I over-heard two random strangers talking at the boarding lounge of an airport. One of them must be in her 50s or 60s, let’s name her Lady-1 and the other one in her late 20s or early 30s, Lady-2.
Lady-1: How long have you been married??
Lady-2: Three years
Lady-1: Any kids??
Lady-2: No kids
Lady-1: Oh! You will be blessed with one soon. I know this is so sad and I understand kids are the most beautiful gift of God.
Lady-1 had switched her that-one-relative mode on and this girl was sitting there nodding and forcing a smile with occasional “yea”. I could totally tell she stopped listening to her three minutes through the lecture.
In my head I am saying “no no no no no ma’am (Jesse Eisenberg style). She didn’t say she can’t have kids or she wants to have kids”.
But how do I explain this to the lady who is trying so hard to glorify motherhood that she sounds like that nurse who is coming to you with the sweetest smile possible, holding a giant needle in her hand and says “this is the most effective medicine we have and this is not going to hurt at all.”
How do I enlighten this woman who was born and raised in a system where if a girl is born, parents start calculating her marriage expenses, looking for an eligible guy for her and praying that she gives birth to healthy, religious and obedient little Einsteins.
Lady-1:…did you get yourself checked?? There are so many treatments out there…
And then she started giving her numbers of fertility clinics. My eyes rolled, had a good look at my brain and returned.
I don’t blame lady-1, I pity her.
I wish I could ask her when was the last time she voiced her own opinion? And not something that was dictated to her by the norms.
I was 16 when I told my friends I want to have a daughter. I was actually planning to adopt a little girl. Over the time a realized motherhood is not just about carrying a life in you for 9 long months. It’s not restricted to bearing extreme pain of delivering a baby then holding a doll in your arms. It’s a lot more than all of this.
It’s not about you or the world. It’s about that tiny piece of flesh that will eventually grow up to be a person through your hands.
This also involves protecting the child from cruel mindset of our society and giving them space to grow into what they want from themselves. It’s also about protecting their opinion, passion and teaching them how to accept and respect other’s.
A friend recently said “my child will support me when I am old”. She was holding a 6-month old baby. For heaven’s sake!! He’s not a pension scheme!!! And you brought him to this world!!! His birth wasn’t his choice.
I may sound pessimistic here but why don’t you ask yourself a few questions before you plan to have a child.
Are you financially, socially, physically, mentally and emotionally stable to raise a child?? Imagine one person you can always count on. Now, will that person raise your child when you are not around?? Will he/she be able to do what you always wanted to do for your kids?? do you really want this or you are Blindly following this as a cultural obligation??
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