“When was the last time you heard mom’s voice??” I got the message from my sister who lives in another country.
The question overthrew me. I had to hold a chair to keep my balance. I kept staring at the screen asking myself the same question.
“I called dad but I could never talk to her, it’s been like 12 – 15 days I haven’t heard her voice. This is scary. I called her a few times but they always give some excuse and just don’t put her on the phone. I haven’t heard her voice in background even.”
My mind raced to the worst nightmare I constantly try to deny. I just didn’t know how to respond. I sat down on the chair and recalled my recent calls to family. She was right. Dad keeps on giving excuses. But I was sure I heard her voice in the background.
“Let me try again.” I replied.
I called mom again and this time she talked for barely 1 – 2 minutes, talking about her condition, which was way worse than what I saw 2 months back. But at least I could hear her voice.
“Just talked to her, don’t worry” I replied to my sister.
All of this happened last week.
Today I called my Dad and told him I want to talk to mom, he took a deep breath, I could feel him gathering courage to let out words. But given the bond I share with him he can’t possibly hide anything from me he said, “she can’t talk. She just can’t talk. She screams in pain sometimes but can’t talk. doctors have stopped her treatment.”
The situation needed no further explanation.
My mom was diagnosed with last stage of cancer 2 years back. Her initial treatment and diagnosis was done at an internationally recognized reliable hospital. And they honestly told us to keep a few months in mind and my mom chose to come back and stay with my youngest siblings. This warrior woman has been fighting for 2 years now.
Scream?? My mom and screaming with pain?? My tiger mom has got unbelievably high threshold of pain. I can’t imagine her screaming with pain.
We would have succumbed to 10% of whatever she had endured in her life.
But this?? Now what??
There is always this one news, this one small pebble that’s coming to the hit the pivot of your whole world, your family.
And when you can actually see it coming towards you, at a snail pace, you just stand there helplessly waiting for the disaster to happen.
It’s the most disturbing thing.
My dad is a strong man and today he was on the brink of falling apart.
I chose not to talk about this as I was trying my blog to be a motivating place. A place where people wouldn’t feel depressed at least. i try.
But today I can’t hold back.
It’s too much.
My hands are shaking as I am typing this. I can’t say anything to anybody at home they all are standing on the same verge of sanity and a tiny nudge will be enough to through them in the pit of lava we all are staring at.
Some things are just not in our control.
i request you all remember her in your prayers. May God ease her pain. Ameen.
and pray for my dad too please he is really worried.