I broke my guitar.
Yup. This happened today.
I was expecting guests. And as i keep my hobbies private. In fact everything very private i kept my guitar over a wardrobe.
And while cleaning home i slid open the wardrobe door and the guitar slipped down. Falling on the floor head first.
It was in its bag i opened the zip and saw a bruise on the top of its head. And kept it aside and went to cater to guests.
Once they left i checked its neck was broken.
I had this sinking feeling. I felt sad. But not for very long.
This is so strange as if i am not the same person i used to be.
I was so sensitive. Used to cry on little damages and loses. I was possessive about everything. I couldn’t let go of anything.
Kept everything safe. And i was always scared of losing things.
And now..i couldn’t cry.
Have i fallen deep into depression?
Have i become so strong that i just don’t get hurt easily.
The line from breakfast club flashed in front of my eyes “as we grow old our heart dies”
Is this what’s actually happening. Losing sensitivity… dying ability to feel anything.
This contant numbness.
I can let out the loudest craziest laugh when i am not feeling a trace of happiness. I feel nothing.
What are we becoming??
Is it just part and parcel of adulting?
I called sam and talked to her for 2 3 minutes and told her what i was feeling.
I asked her “have our hearts hardened to this point where we don’t feel pain”
She said “yes”
I dont know if its a good thing or not. Its just not natural.
Maybe i have suffered damage on a level after which a broken guitar looks nothing, no matter how important she has been for me.
I will check tomorow if i can get it repaired or i will have to let her go ..
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