Fresh Dent in Conscience

Today I was talking to an angel friend of mine. Remember unicorn?? I have talked about her here. She stayed with me on phone for 4 hours when I had first suicide pang.

She was busy with moving home. We were conversing on WhatsApp.

“I am pregnant”

These simple three words literally pulled my soul out. Something inside me died.

What? What the fuck? When? These were my messages.

This is supposed to be a good news generally. Right??

But no.

My friend is married and has a child, who struggles with learning. The child needs special attention.

Unicorn herself has 3 autoimmune disorders. Added with thyroid and migraines. When she has migraine she doesn’t complain until she goes blind. She tolerates it and keeps working until she can’t see.

Her husband is a typical man who doesn’t get up to get water for himself.

She did not want another child.

And autoimmune triggers with full force after delivery. I have no idea how is she going to mange that.

I wanted to scream, cry shout.

Her in laws and husband were pressuring her to have a second child. She finally succumbed to the pressure.

For a long time my mind was filled with fizzy grey Static.

I was scared to say anything. She is expecting already. We cant change anything.

But we are very close and we often confide in each other.

I said I am sorry I can’t fake it. I am really worried. She told me her own family reacted the same way.

I am still not normal. I lost something today.

My this friend is highly educated, more than her husband but she left her career because he wanted her too.

Then she didn’t want first child..that happened.

Now this..

She is just a helpless puppet.

Just because she is extremely nice person doesn’t this give anybody the right to ruin her life??

Now you will say, why didn’t she speak up?? She could have stood against it. She could have fought.

You know what. Its easier to say. She is not stupid.

She comes from a sound background.

But pressures. They lobotomize you.

Your education, your strength your will and self-respect, everything turns to ashes when you have to face outrageous levels of socio-cultural pressures.

When you see your friend fighting you root for her, and when she loses somewhere you lose too.

There is a fresh dent in my conscience that will never be filled. She is not the first and the last case. But I believed she will win.

She was close to the finish line, when she is suddenly pushed off the track.

If you had known me you would have said “look who is talking”.

No matter what I say here I have surrendered to pressures whenever my loved ones were involved. Whenever I felt its better hurting myself than bringing distress to my home.

And sadly most of the times your sacrifice is not even realized, let alone appreciated.

This is how we are built.

It’s sad. It’s unfair. But this is how it is.

Copyright © 2018 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

86 thoughts on “Fresh Dent in Conscience

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  1. I’m gonna kick you so hard that you will actually kick me back. Perhaps that’s the only way you will wake up to actually wanting to safe yourself from you. Stop succumbing to idiots even if they are family, friends or idiots like me. What are you getting a million or billion dollars for condoning it..? I mean what’s the point of realising it if you can’t do anything about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As much as we’d like to sometimes, we can’t control other people and their choices or pressures they’re under. We can only control how we react. You can feel compassion for her, but don’t make it your problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s intense. I always believe that you should do something because you ‘want’ to and not ‘have’ to. If your friend doesn’t want another baby, then she really shouldn’t. It’s dangerous for her. She has to also think about her first child. Has she given some thought on what would happen to the kid if something happens to her? Sometimes mother’s really need to make a call and I hope your friend also makes the right choice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She faught for her and her first child. For 2 3 years she kept fighting. Thats why i was shocked.
      I have no idea whats she going to do. I didnt ask alot as i didn’t want to upset her she must be going through alot. But this is insane but this is not rare..
      She has accepted it already. I am hoping it gets easier for her.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hiring a maid will be a good idea. It will be great if her folks also stay with her for a while after her delivery but I don’t know how far that will work out since she stays with her in-laws. Or if she can stay at her parents place throughout her pregnancy. At least thats what most women do in my culture.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. She lives here with husband and kid. No in laws no family. But i can suggest her she should go to her parents for a while. This maybe a good idea. But domestic help is a necessity now. Will talk to her in detail today. The man of the house was at home yesterday so we couldnt talj about it.
        Honestly i am just done with our culture. All it does is disappoint us.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It is difficult to watch the ones you love get even farther away from their own happiness. My Sister did that as well. You can only listen when they need you to. Be there for them. It was their choice. You can’t take on their pain, just be there.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Stoner, you are a good friend. You listened. Point out the blossoms of goodness when they appear for she may be over her head and can’t see them. They helps surpass the hard times. Hope you are well. Have a great weekend. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know its such a complicated scenario. I am trying to be kind when i actually want to through a brick on her head. I strictly told her to not to surrender in this case because then it involves one more life.
      More helplessness.
      I am fine.
      You have an awesome weakend. Ours ended today.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Well, damn. I am not liking this post, that’s why I didn’t click on like button. So sorry for your friend. She sounds really nice and lovely even though she is suffering that much. Ugh, I hate myself for hearing about this things and I am unable to do anything, just read it and sit here.

    I really do hope there is a good side to this story and that your friend will get through this unharmed. Again, sorry to hear this wounding story. I am not a religious person, but I would Pray to God and Allah both to help her. darn it. Why are thing so hard on good people? Ugh!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I won’t. It’s just plain wrong Alyana. What’s happening to that poor girl should be illegal. I don’t know it anymore. At least try being strong for her and a shoulder for her tears.


      2. Its actually not right. but when wrong becomes so common the right takes a backseat.
        whenever I try to raise my voice I am mocked or silenced. this part of world is pretty much screwed when it comes to social norms.
        I am there for her and she knows it.
        I must have done a million things wrong but I never left my friends to face any ordeal alone.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I don’t know your freind but I would like you to smack some sense into her but some will bow to the pressure while I throw my middle finger up at it . I just git really angry reading that . Some of us can be rebels others can not withstand the societla pressures

    Liked by 1 person

      1. “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” (the definition of insanity) always plays out in my head in these situations. I have to remind myself it’s easier diagnosing and coming up with a good prognosis of a problem from the outside however it’s frustrating when it continues on and on and….

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t know the answers here but I suppose she could grow to love the child although there’s also the possibility her resentment may grow. Alot of pressure for a baby to have.


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