Gibberish Again (with soft pastel work)

warning: you can totally avoid reading this post if you have something important to do it’s full of random gibberish.

you can just look at the pastel work and move on to save time.

I slept smiling and I woke up smiling. Talked to my baby brother last night. this weird baby is 11 years younger and 13 inches taller than me.

Whenever I talk to him I feel a strong invisible bond between me and my family. which is hard to see..but its there. you can sense it in the times when we need each other.

or when we have long nonsensical conversations.

I don’t feel unmoored.

I am having one of those idontknowwhatiamdoing days. but honestly thats how I feel every day.

started day normally with yesterday’s leftover meal and black coffee.

then sat down with black paper and pastels.

and did this..

2018-01-21-13-26-50.jpg

hmm

and then I went on to do something I had been planning for days.

I deactivated my Facebook messenger too.

I deactivated my Facebook somewhere in last august and it earn me unfathomable peace. I had tons of reasons to do that. but they were all jumbled up. if you ask me why maybe I won’t be able to answer.

maybe I was just too tired of looking at a glossy useless magazine. where everybody was going to unbelievable lengths proving they are some celebrity.

seriously?? why do we even need to do this??

don’t we know what fame does??

get your name known at 5 places and its already a call for disaster.

maybe everybody else has a different experience but being cyber bullied in my teens when I wasn’t even famous, I wish I could completely change my identity.

I just wanted to hide. bury myself.

well. things got better. thanks to family and true friends.

but the scars are permanent.

well. back to Facebook.

facebook was my only social media presence. I made a twitter account never used it and now I don’t even remember it.

my siblings told me I should have an Insta account. I did that too. I didn’t know whats happening there..so that became dormant too.

since I started my blog I became comfortable with this place.

and the farther I ventured into blogosphere that shallower fb seemed to me.

so 1 day I just shut it. I left my fb messenger active as I had 250+ friends and relatives there. most of my relatives were there so I didn’t have to ask for numbers to contact anybody.

now. it was becoming a useless space.

clutter. that was just taking up space and instilling negativity.

why negativity.

well. out of 250+ people only 1 2 would actually bother to drop a message to show concern or talk generally.

the rest would only reach out when they had to ask a favor.

the rest were just there.

looking at the messenger was triggering my anxiety which I have got relatively under control these days.

people close to me converse with me on WhatsApp.

well. I talked to Sam. she said do what feels right. and if doing this brings me peace I should go for it.

but she said this is something to worry about. I am running away from human interaction. and she was right.

closest friends and family are concerned one day I might actually turn into a hermit. mentally and emotionally I already have.

I don’t know.

well I deactivated messenger.

will reactivate when I need to.

have a lot to do. and I keep myself really busy. but still I end up feeling I haven’t done anything.

even worse that I can’t do anything

Strategy

66 thoughts on “Gibberish Again (with soft pastel work)

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  1. i know exactly what you mean. The superficiality of it all becomes a lead weight around your neck… I stopped putting my blogs on facebook groups because although it gave me readers… they were not the readrers I wanted. I’m much happier just writing to people who are interested. Sorry, this has become a blog in its own right

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No. I love discussions over a post. And i think everybody else does too.

      I always had strict bifurcation between my blog and actual life. Very few people are aware of this blog and they dont venture into thus area.
      I never shared my blogs on social media for the same reason. Most of the times our relatives/acquaintances dont even understand and then they start judging and guessing.
      I have a friend who started blog in 2012 and he has 42 followers and he was telling me he shares every post on facebook and Twitter both.
      I told him nobody from there would even bother to read a blog.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. I love post discussion too. I publish on all the major social media sites except Instagram. I started my blog over two years ago. I have about 108 subscribers and 14 followers. You maybe right about engaging readers on social media. It hasn’t grown my blog at all. However, I keep writing for the ones that read and for myself. I keep at the social media piece in the off chance I might engage someone new. I enjoyed your post. It is filled with truth.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks alot for stopping by and reading and commenting. I am glad you enjoyed.
        I was adviced to expand to reddit stumble upon and bloglovin too. And i wasted my time creating accounts everywhere. It doesnt give following.
        I started this blog exactly 13 months back. Actively started working on it from april 2017. I gathered this 1200+ following in 10 months but i worked really hard for this.
        I might come up with a post.
        Your time and effort invested in wordpress gives you followers.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. yes, you are right. Being involved in the wordpress community and actively engaging other bloggers seems to be the best way to go. I am in the process of actively being engaged in the wordpress community. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. In my opinion, WordPress is a much more intimate and meaningful platform- people who only do facebook and twitter think that it is the whole world. Sometimes the majority is wrong. That said, it’s never too late to reach out to real people in the real world. When I was bed-ridden I was down to zero friends but I am scratching my way back again. You are very talented, lovely picture!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Hmmmm, all people or just fake ones? I think that’s why blogging takes off. People aren’t afraid to be who they are. So other behavior seems more pronounced. I was at an event last night, where it seemed like people were more worried about how they looked then the actually reason for being there. Noticeable plastic surgery and personalities to match. I almost think it was a status. And while I truly believe we all find what makes us happy, it made me sad people couldn’t find beauty in “themselves”. I thanked God for my wrinkles last night and taught my granddaughter about “knowledge lines”. That’s what I call them😂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Cant talk to people for long. Maybe its just social anxiety.
        Yes!! After every event i feel the same way. People are busy proving they are something and i find myself a terrible misfit.
        Knowledge lines are graceful. Far graceful than plastic. Teaching her right 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I have my blog on Facebook, and get some positive feedback from my family and friends. This is important to me as a needy writer :).But I know there are plenty of people out there who read blogs like yours and mine, and never offer a word of support or feedback. I don’t understand this. If you enjoy something – or it provokes thought – I think you’re obliged to let the writer/artist know. I really love your artwork Stoner, You’re very talented. Do you sell any pieces?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Giving due credit is important. We all are needy writers and crave appriciation. Only reason i come here everyday. People appriciate.
      I dont share with family even. They are extremely busy. Share artwork though as a sis of mine is art student. She loves it.
      Thank you so much for kind words they mean the world to me.
      I haven’t thought about selling anything yet.

      Like

  4. Beautiful drawing! Sometimes, simple ramblings are just what we need to do! Isn’t any social media outlet only as good as how much we put into it?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for appriciating the drawing.
      Yes we need to vent out aimlessly at times.
      I dont know. Few years back facebook was serving a purpose for me i was in touch with alot of people i thought i might lose otherwise. But its becoming more about flaunting than connecting.
      Maybe its about personal preference the whole concept of social media is becoming more about painting a lie at least around me.

      Like

  5. Honestly, I’m so addicted to FB that I don’t think I can live without it. I know what you mean about the superficiality though. Everyone shows just the pretty pictures of their lives, rather than the good, the bad, and the ugly, which I do sometimes display. They can unfriend me if they don’t like it! Lol

    I love this pastel drawing. It’s beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Few years back i would say same thing. My major purpose of having fb account was to stay in touch with people but in my case i see people are trying hard to prove they are living a better life than their friends when they are sulking inside and they hardly reach out and connect.
      They just look at each others profile.
      Maybe someday later on i will reactivate it right now it just shoots my anxiety up.
      You are doing it right 🙂

      I am glad.Thank you so much 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Gorgeous drawing! I dislike facebook and have considered closing it, but then it keeps me in touch with my family who live a fair distance away. I mean, who really has 900 friends, they meet someone once, say hello and add them as a friend on facebook. Most are fake relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks alot for appriciating drawing
      I had fb for the same purpose. We have geographically scattered family it was easier to get in touch. But the important ones can reach out to me on whatsapp or just call me.

      You are right. Thats what people do. Hello and add. And then nothing.
      Then you watch my life i watch yours.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is so relatable to me. I had deactivated my facebook account and then reactivated it. I sometimes feel as if people are interested in you only if you do something they were not expecting you to do and you post about it. Otherwise you are in a black hole where you get lost. I tried to deactivate everything and go MIA from that world but I haven’t been able to. I think that maybe It’s just time. Just like this was the time you deactivated your account. I guess I will too in time 🙂

    Like

    1. i am not running a campainge against facebook. Its totally upto you hun. Few years back i was addicted to it too. Especially my student life. Right now i am done.
      And yes you are right you have to put up a show if you want people to be interested. The reason i feel its a huge lie.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. wow, that color pastel is amazing! love the golds and blues. Have you seen the Color Your World Challenge? A lot of people do photographs but it’s open to art, fiction, poetry, whatever. I did one of my second life “photos” for seagreen. Each day is a different color. Like today the 28th is “vivid tangerine” and tomorrow is “eggplant”. She also has a one-word challenge of the week and this week is mouse. I remember we talked before about wishing there were prompts that included artwork, not just photography and here these are. anyways, thought it might be fun for you if you wanted to do a pastel to a challenge. .
    https://tourmalinenow.com/2018/02/26/this-weeks-challenges-february-25-march-3-owpc-ww-cyw/

    Like

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