Waking up slowly..

A new day.

Continuation of the same old shit.

When a cargo train full of brand new information hits you, you can’t process anything. And if you don’t get a chance to process the whole thing turns into a huge tangled mess.

I have been in a horribly dark dense place. I have never experiences depression this bad for this long.

Thank God for doing a miracle for me on time I am sure I wouldn’t be able to survive.

And thank you guys. Especially frazzledagain..this person have been here with me all the time literally. She is an angel. 🙂

You know your mind surprises you. Sometimes you feel you don’t even know yourself. In phases like this your own formula of survival fails you.

So just let things be for some time. Let the dust settle.

I tried everything I could but nothing worked in fact in some instances trying just made me feel worse.

But at least I don’t regret not trying.

Well.

Even if you are disconnected from everything. There are a few things you still do.

A little examples is having coffee/tea.

These days it’s black coffee for me.

I need good dose of caffeine to kick off the day so this is one thing I was still doing.

I was out with sis and I saw a cup…look at it..

2018-03-11-16-54-03.jpg

It’s so pretty I am kinda jealous.

And a tea infuser..the one with it.

This was the first little upgrade I did for me.

Then I was already experimenting with different brands of ground coffee.

From good old Nescafe instant I moved to Davidoff 57 then to Davidoff Fine Aroma…now I just got Lavazza medium roast.

So far its good too. So this was second change. feel free to recommend your favorite brand I would love to try.

Somebody once asked me if I make drip coffee. I was looking for something else and saw disposable coffee drippers..and I said why not..this is third change.

These are little things really but did dilute the intensity of that blinding fog that just took over my mind completely.

With depression you are in a mild coma.

You cant suddenly wake up from it. But if you come across something that give you a little change embrace it. Let it do the job.

I wasn’t intensionally looking for all of this. I just found them.

Then today I took out my art materials and didn’t use them.

Just took my sketch pad and a normal hb pencil that was lying around already. Didn’t even bother to sharpen it..

And doodled after long long time..

2018-03-11-16-55-08.jpg

Maybe I will complete it..maybe I will leave it like this.

But there is something that tell me I will be fine sooner.

I am waking up. I just need to wake up slowly. Rushing will be bad. I just have a feeling.

Maybe everything will change now on.

Maybe I wont be the same person. Maybe my life wont be the same.

Life doesn’t stay same anyway. Everything keeps on evolving.

You can’t get up and start running from a coma.

And don’t even try to..you will shock your body.

Give it some rest, some time.

Let your mind and soul Meander through maze it’s dropped into on its own pace.

That’s all you can do.

Copyright © 2018 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

32 thoughts on “Waking up slowly..

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  1. Your doodle is awesome – it looks great as is, but leaves points where you can add to it if you’d choose to, seems like perfection to me :-)! Hope you continue on feeling better with each day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank alot. right now I want to leave it a little blank..with a doodle you can fill the whole page if you wish to. I dont know what I want to do with it so right now its staying like this.
      glad you liked it.
      I hope so too 🙂
      thanks

      Like

      1. its seriously bad. I asked them why his voice is different every time first they were dodging it then they gave in.
        I was thinking I should go sis says not now. I have no idea whats happening. bro is already on some other track. too tooo much chaos everywhere.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. If you want to go just go Stoner. After all he too needs some company. Sometimes parent need their children to act like a grown-up. Just take care of yourself. Go and eat something, I will too. See you around Stoner.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Aw, thank you for the lovely mention! Love the butterfly mug! I don’t drink coffee. So…the drawing, I don’t know if you i tended for it to be this, to me it looks like an eye that is squared away. Then I thought of a post from Susanof My Loud Bipolar Whispers making the analogy of bring in a box with no way out. I instantly thought of you feeling like there is no way out, even the tears are squared off. I am glad you are starting to feel like you are getting out of that box. All in good time, little steps. It must be wonderful to be able to draw your feelings, even when you don’t really mean to. Nice work! It may not be what you were thinking when you drew it, but everyone sees art differently, and that is what I see. I hope you have a lovely Sunday.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I meant nothing when I was drawing it. I have always doodled eyes and dragons even when I was in school..they just come naturally to me. in abstract forms..
      I haven’t read Susan’s blog in a while I will go check.
      you feel trapped with anxiety and depression.
      I am alot better and you have played a major part and I mean it.
      not giving up on people when they are not making sense is something I don’t see alot happening.
      thanks alot I pray all your pain goes away and I wish you health and peace 🙂

      Like

      1. I feel good when I know something I have said or done helps someone even a little bit, I feel even better when I hear someone is starting to feel better. I’m scared though, sometimes I am afraid of saying something that would make things worse. I would have liked to be a therapist or psychologist, but I didn’t do well in school because I could not stay focused enough to read or study. This is something I deal with daily. I think it is what is known as adhd disorder, although I’ve never been diagnosed and I have never sought treatment for that. Boy, we all have our inner issues one way or another. Thank you for your lovely compliments.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know. Its tricky what to say to someone who isn’t in an okay state of mind. But at least you try.
        Attension problem can be caused by alot of things. I could concentrate well but i was very slow writer..i always attempted like 70 to 80% of the exam. Well. Managed to pass whatever i was studying now thats just laying useless because of health.
        Seriously health is everything. Everything else becomes useless when you are unwell.
        Yea. We all have our inner battles.

        Thank you for being so kind 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Do you know that in South India, there is a phenomenon called Filter Coffee? We don’t brew coffee. We use a filter to extract a thick decoction of coffee, which we mix with undiluted milk and sugar and froth it in a special cup and saucer called “Dabara-tumbler”. It is usually had piping hot. In older times, they used to roast and grind the coffee beans before making the decoction. The coffee, milk and sugar have to be absolutely fresh to get the right taste. My parents, for a long time, used to get fresh milk twice a day. The milkman used to bring the cow to the colony! My parents had this specific coffee vendor who used to mix the beans in a custom ratio and give us our daily cups. These days, one gets passable packaged coffee powders. I recently changed my powder and have been wincing every morning, because of the travesty in my cup!

    Like

    1. forget everything i need your help its urgent!

      i collegue of mine got s dessert (mithai) from kerala and it was our of that world and this idiot doesnt know its name. i will find it in Dubai im sure but i need to know the name. they are yellow squares very sweet and fine texture and have raisins in it too. can u please tell me its name im driving google crazy.

      Like

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