A new day.
Continuation of the same old shit.
When a cargo train full of brand new information hits you, you can’t process anything. And if you don’t get a chance to process the whole thing turns into a huge tangled mess.
I have been in a horribly dark dense place. I have never experiences depression this bad for this long.
Thank God for doing a miracle for me on time I am sure I wouldn’t be able to survive.
And thank you guys. Especially frazzledagain..this person have been here with me all the time literally. She is an angel. 🙂
You know your mind surprises you. Sometimes you feel you don’t even know yourself. In phases like this your own formula of survival fails you.
So just let things be for some time. Let the dust settle.
I tried everything I could but nothing worked in fact in some instances trying just made me feel worse.
But at least I don’t regret not trying.
Even if you are disconnected from everything. There are a few things you still do.
A little examples is having coffee/tea.
These days it’s black coffee for me.
I need good dose of caffeine to kick off the day so this is one thing I was still doing.
I was out with sis and I saw a cup…look at it..
It’s so pretty I am kinda jealous.
And a tea infuser..the one with it.
This was the first little upgrade I did for me.
Then I was already experimenting with different brands of ground coffee.
From good old Nescafe instant I moved to Davidoff 57 then to Davidoff Fine Aroma…now I just got Lavazza medium roast.
So far its good too. So this was second change. feel free to recommend your favorite brand I would love to try.
Somebody once asked me if I make drip coffee. I was looking for something else and saw disposable coffee drippers..and I said why not..this is third change.
These are little things really but did dilute the intensity of that blinding fog that just took over my mind completely.
With depression you are in a mild coma.
You cant suddenly wake up from it. But if you come across something that give you a little change embrace it. Let it do the job.
I wasn’t intensionally looking for all of this. I just found them.
Then today I took out my art materials and didn’t use them.
Just took my sketch pad and a normal hb pencil that was lying around already. Didn’t even bother to sharpen it..
And doodled after long long time..
Maybe I will complete it..maybe I will leave it like this.
But there is something that tell me I will be fine sooner.
I am waking up. I just need to wake up slowly. Rushing will be bad. I just have a feeling.
Maybe everything will change now on.
Maybe I wont be the same person. Maybe my life wont be the same.
Life doesn’t stay same anyway. Everything keeps on evolving.
You can’t get up and start running from a coma.
And don’t even try to..you will shock your body.
Give it some rest, some time.
Let your mind and soul Meander through maze it’s dropped into on its own pace.
That’s all you can do.
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