We meet again. Lol.
The day passed somehow.
So much has happened since yesterday it like scattered puzzle pieces and honestly I have no energy to sort and join this one.
There were swings between depression anxiety and God knows what. I cant point my feelings.
But I was like…get your fat together girl you can do it!
Thanks to each one of you for emails and comments. Each and every words means so much to me you guys have no idea.
And for the people who think I am manipulating my family and readers. I really dont care because you definitely dont know me..its not the worst I have faced.
I was sleeping waking up sleeping..i dont know what was happening. I just know I knew things aren’t right so when I was up I ate a sandwich because I didnt know how long I will be like this.
When I came back from hospital I cried my eyes out..i really really cried. I needed to get this out or it could consume me.
I talked to sam (my bff) and she reminded me of my whole struggle..our struggle and how we discuss and moved forward so far. My case was rare and complicated the whole thing was done on trial and error basis.
It’s a new day.
Obviously you can’t snap out of anything..i was still in trauma.
And I found out a very good close of mine has had a similar tumor and got it removed. She was actually crying because its been years to that and even her family doesn’t know just her husband knows.
She got married after that and she is on the way to have 2nd child MashAllah.
So she gave me hope. She said stick to your plan this is not going to change the course of your life. Its here deal with it and move on.
I was in a better mind frame after that. I talked to doctor’s assistant for a few things we needed to sort. Ordered food. Ordered grocery. Made an appointment to the neurosurgeon.
And I talked to dad. yea. First I decided I wont tell him ever as treatment plan is pretty much same. And after that if something happens theres nothing anyone can do.
But then I ended up telling him. I told him everything. A to z.
Oh a to z challenge and napowrimo… guys I need to take care of alot of thing but I will cover it soon all of it. As it’s first challenge of this kind that I started. it’s not for anyone it’s for myself.
well. I talked to dad. I kept it cool. Kept it funny. But told him all.
Then I told him I didnt intend to as he would get worried to which he talked about how mom was diagnosed and what happened..
We ended up talking about mom.
I will say something here..when we reach a certain age we drift apart from our parents. Its natural. But do talk to them. Try to keep in touch. They brought you here they raised you they are way stronger than we think.
Dad proved that today. He was listening and agreeing to what I think and he was kinda proud of me for handling it well cause the appointment scene was more like a crime interrogation scene. So many doctors telling you worse.
To sum it all.
We are here.. and there is nothing much we can do about.
Anything can happen to anyone either you let the worry and stress make it worse.
Or you fight it like its nothing for you. Honestly thats more like acting because deep down you know how scary things are but doesn’t matter. Act. Its ok.
Enough for today.
Have to go for a diner tonight. Have to face random stupid judgmental questions of like 14 15 people there…so yea I am ready to sleep through it with eyes open..lol
Then I have to work on myself. Doc said I will have to go on steroids again after surgery for a short time I wanted to scratch his eyes and chew his head off I swear. THIS was the worst news
I have a wedding coming in family I want to look great so I better go back to focus on that.
I know you might be thinking..this person is a hyper psycho…well maybe I am. I would never be able to deal with any of it if I was normal.
Thanks again for unconditional love care and support. I love you all. 🤗