Truth is stranger than fiction.
Sometimes you get so much shit thrown your way that next dump don’t even surprise you.
Past 5 6 days have been most devastating time of my life. Like somebody pulled out the tiles..and dug my grave just below my feet while i am still standing.
I remember telling my friends when we were in teens “everytime i think What else could go wrong…life actually surprise me with a brutal reply.”
Sometimes people don’t even believe me. Can’t blame them.
I am not angry.
I am not sad or broken.
I don’t know what i am feeling.
I talked to my brother after days last night and ended up saying those dreaded words again..’i am fine’….’dont worry about me’…’i will do something’
First to mom. Then to dad. Now to brother.
Me be next person hearing this from me with be me.
I actually did. I told myself too. But i still find it hard to believe.
I have literally exacausted every atom of energy in me. My feet hurt so bad with constant pacing. My brain is burned out in attempts to blind myself to the latest joke fate played on me.
I never imagined this will happen to me. Some times i end up doubting myself. Maybe i did something to deserve this.
But then how come biggest assholes i know are enjoying peaceful lives??
I have lost will to even look for reasons now.
I don’t have energy to even guess what horrible tricks fate has up its Sleeve for me.
I am so tired but can’t shut my brain. Can’t go blind to the truth.
It has happened. This is it.
The feeling is incomprehensible. Despair juxtaposed to passion…complicated isn’t it??
I told my friend when you know the route to return is destryed you are just left with one option. Moving forward.
But it’s strange. I feel alone. In 1 and a half year of blogging and venting in 500+ posts this is first time i am saying i feel lonely.
I know i have the best friends anyone can possibly get.
But nothing can fix this.
I devoted my self to spreading awareness. It’s going great so far. Still it’s not helping me in this frightful state.
In conversation with my bro he said we all have obsessive nature. We all are like dad. If something happens we will lose our minds sooner than him…sadly..i agree.
I can stay in my problems. But i know this will drive me insane within few years. Maybe i am not very compromising. Maybe my convictions are way too strong.
I am trying. I didn’t give up. But for what? I don’t know.
What if i fix everything and then it all crashes??
There are no answers. Just surprises..shocks.. terrible sad pethatic jokes.
Well. Enough of venting.
Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I am inviting Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.
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