Ok people something ticked me off.
Totally pushed me off the edge and it was so small i dont believe this happened.
It took its sweet time. Few hours and then BAM!
This time i didn’t even know what it was anxiety depression or what?? I am really confused and terrified about my self these days. Since the time i heard ‘it’s in blood’ well actually it can’t be in blood but you catch it from environment and all..my psychologist blogger friend told me.
So. I think watching silver linings playbook when you are extremely volatile is a bad idea. That too in the middle of the night.
I dont know it was maybe a trigger on trigger..like chain reaction of trigger..i dont know hope im making sense.
Thank God my sis was in ‘awake’ part of the planet so i called her and i was sobbing and crying and she flipped out and she was getting all hyper asking something i couldnt here untill i said ‘wait let me breathe at least’
Next i heard was a scream..a deafening scream i swear..
I was like..seriously?? Seriously? Dont tell me. How do u live.
And she said i dont have choice she is my child.
And i said ‘and you still glorify motherhood??’
Well. Thanks for my niece’s scream we drifted to my sister’s everest of rants that surprisingly diverted me i guess.
And her call ended and next i knew i was pacing nonstop..and the background music?? The songs of movie ‘eternal sunshine of spotless mind’ its beautiful. I can’t stop obsessing over it.
Me pacing in hall..music..yes! Anxiety it is! Its here..at its zenith!! Thank you ma’am where were you i missed you.
Do you guys like twenty one pilots?? I am in love with whatever these guys do…just love thier music.. i didn’t hear a song i didn’t like. Its current crazy obsession.
Check thier cover of can’t help falling in love…o my God it’s so beautiful.
Well actually ramadan is just around the corner. Its starting thursday here and we avoid (try to avoid) music and movies and all and focus on praying and be nice people. So i am kinda stuffing myself with both.
Yesterday watched the dark night, princess bride, and nice guys…why do i feel i have told you this..maybe in previous post.
Princess bride is a nice movie and it came out the year i was born so i thought…hmm all great things came out that year..
It’s like when people stuff food before fast..i sound horrible right?
Maybe not horrible but a little disobedient kinda person.
But i think thats my problem. I dont listen.
I mean i do listen but if anyone try to impose something even its nothing big it triggers me. I feel suffocated. I am not even exaggerating. I feel my lungs tightening.
I try my best to fulfil whatever i am expected to do. My duties. I do have a life outside blogosphere and sometimes its very busy. But i dont merge the worlds and i dont even let the blog take over that life. Or that life invade this place.
I know i can balance well..
But why dictate me on stupid things.
Now i know im not a sweet obedient person not at all submissive perfect women type. But who am i hurting?
I dont know.
I dont think i can blend anywhere. And its all my problem..people are like that.
Everybody blindly follows a script which makes me sick at times.
Ok this look like another avalanche of rants.
2 avalanches in a day..i must be on fire!
Or shit finally made it to the fan.
I better go.
I might spend whole night pacing and listening to songs by twenty one pilots.
Thanks guys. And sorry. You guys have to tolerate me so frequently.
Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I am inviting Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.
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