Mindlessly Sad..

That scary moment when suddenly all of your friends are busy or sleeping…

Not that I am alone in existence. There must be 5 to 10 friends I can reach out but alone in spirit.

It’s complicated. Being alone while standing in the sea of familiar faces.

Not a good feeling

Today is a gloomy day that too for no reason.

I wanted to talk to somebody close and I called my aunt and I ended up feeling far worse getting to know her life is way wayyy worse than we could ever imagine…and when you hear “what do you know, look at me”..

If I start counting my blessing for people maybe there is nothing that I dont have. I talk to 50 people and find myself better than almost all of them.

Then what is it?

This emptiness.

I was talking about parents with a friend today and I ended up crying obviously.

My mind is thinking so abstract today I don’t even know what I came to write. Or what I want to write.

Today is Zazu’s birthday. For new people Zazu is my childhood friend and one of the closest people in my life. I was looking at his pictures making a little slideshow.

I couldn’t stop shedding tears every now and then and still couldn’t figure why.

Why life has to be so complex.

I never imagined this is where I will be standing today. Like everyone I had a picture or a few probable scenarios in my head growing up.

But standing here today I feel so lost like I have been running in a dense jungle all along without directions.

What is it??

Bad decision? Sins? Mistakes?

Guilt? Regrets??

Why I start hating my life every few years.

Maybe if I were a little more accepting..a little more adjusting..or simply I didn’t have a brain of my own.

I am sorry to say I have seen comparatively brainless people live happier lives as they just accept whatever happens. They don’t burn their brain cells in wrong and right.

I am so tired. Its been such a depressing day.

Even worse there is nothing I can change.

……

Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I am inviting Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

Copyright © 2018 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

37 thoughts on “Mindlessly Sad..

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  1. I think that ‘surrounded but lonely’ feeling is pretty common whether you have depression or not. You hit a rough day (or ten) and reached out wanting to feel a closeness and kinship only to realize others have it worse…
    It doesn’t lessen what you are feeling, even if you don’t know why you are feeling it. Give yourself a break to just feel your feelings, icky as they may be. I’m not a professional but I know gloomy days I can’t explain all too well.
    I’ve read your words, seen the art you’ve posted. You have a beautiful soul, so hold onto that on these gloomy days. Let that be the fuel for your soul. Some days, it’s all we have.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love whatever you said here.. I read it so slow. word by word.
      thanks so much. I sort of needed it.
      you exactly gave words to whats happening. I am not depressed, I can tell when I am. I am just sad and empty for no reason.
      you are right fighting it makes it worse. so maybe I will just let the wave pass again..
      thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. U get those moments too when I doubt at everything I did and it makes me feel like shit. I am usually better when I get some sleep and have breakfast. 😀 Soooo, get some sleep, punch at something, eat carrots and take a walk.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Maybe it will change when u r older…i was suffering from overthinking too. But after 35yo it was gone. I just have no time for this- to think 😌😀
        💙💙

        Like

      2. ahaha a friend of mine said the same thing few days back. after few year you wont have time to think.
        so 5 more years to go.. hope it happens earlier for me. I normally do manage to shrug this feeling off but when it hits me..it does with full force.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Then I think we r right (me & your friend) 😉 …& u r in the most difficult period now. At least it was so for me too. But it is fine now 🙂
        So I believe u’ll be fine too 🙂
        G’night 💤💕💕

        Liked by 1 person

  3. The way you are talking is exactly how I was feeling right now. So it was a strange feeling when I read your words! – Even to the point when I speak to others and find out how much luckier I am! It just calls for a meeting with ‘ I, me and myself’. One diary session and a bit of self talk. Just kept sehri and plan to have that meeting. Life has it’s different phases. This phase too will be over. So better enjoy the good parts. Excuse me…. wishing all the best for you. You just need pampering. Some times we fail to take care of ourselves…being short on sleep and food during Ramzan is part of it. All the best. Can’t wait to read a happier one next time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. it’s so strange. we have every reason to be happy but we still fail. and then we look around and see worse..and still we fail at being happy. at least that’s what I am right now.
      normally when you see people suffering at least you should feel better for yourself but this never worked like that with me.
      I always end up feeling worse. thinking..ok so the entire planet is suffering, it’s even worse.

      this post was one of those meetings for me. being anonymous gives me this advantage I can just come her and mindlessly vent and mostly get supported. I am actually proud of the level of understanding of my friends here. you can hardly find people who know what to say.

      I am horrible at taking care of myself. I take care of my health overall since I have autoimmune, I just have to. but dont take care of myself dont pamper and all..maybe thats what I need.

      yes Ramadan routine does bring changes.

      thank you so much.
      can you have a look at my previous post..https://stoneronarollercoaster.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/art-attack/
      since you are an artist I have a feeling you will like it.

      thanks 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I have found that sadness can visit, and feel alone, even when among people who pride themselves on being loving. The scowls on their faces say otherwise. perhaps you are an empath, and pick up on people’s deeper feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s alright to feel sad and be unable to pinpoint the exact reason for it. Cliched though it may sound, I firmly believe this too will pass. And it always does. We all go through these cycles of happiness and sadness with days we feel nothing.

    Liked by 1 person

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