When you feel your body getting heavier every moment you know where it’s going.
You feel numb. You can’t respond to anything at all and deep down you know you are stressed. But your body experience constant numbness.
It’s like you want to scream and you can’t.
This time I know all the reasons. I know what I can control what I cannot. And yet I feel like a failure constantly.
It hurts when people dont understand. And it hurts more when they do and they try hard to pick you up and you feel you are failing them too.
It hurts so bad when u hear them cry because they feel if you don’t get up today it will just keep getting worse. This is the worst feeling.
To feel like a failure to them and yourself.
The hint of hopelessness in their voice..
I have a minor surgical procedure in 1 or 2 days.. please pray everyone. It’s minor but I dont know what to expect because of rarity of condition.
Inside I am freaked out bad..outside i feel dead. I can’t fucking react at all.
And I know it gets worse from here untill it’s over but it takes away a huge chunk of your sanity with it and leave you feeling like shit.
I don’t know what else to say.