Depression, fuck you!

When you feel your body getting heavier every moment you know where it’s going.

You feel numb. You can’t respond to anything at all and deep down you know you are stressed. But your body experience constant numbness.

It’s like you want to scream and you can’t.

This time I know all the reasons. I know what I can control what I cannot. And yet I feel like a failure constantly.

It hurts when people dont understand. And it hurts more when they do and they try hard to pick you up and you feel you are failing them too.

It hurts so bad when u hear them cry because they feel if you don’t get up today it will just keep getting worse. This is the worst feeling.

To feel like a failure to them and yourself.

The hint of hopelessness in their voice..

I have a minor surgical procedure in 1 or 2 days.. please pray everyone. It’s minor but I dont know what to expect because of rarity of condition.

Inside I am freaked out bad..outside i feel dead. I can’t fucking react at all.

And I know it gets worse from here untill it’s over but it takes away a huge chunk of your sanity with it and leave you feeling like shit.

I don’t know what else to say.

41 thoughts on “Depression, fuck you!

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  1. I only liked this post because that’s one way to react to it. But deep down, I feel your words piercing through me. I don’t know what to say either, but I know I will pray for you. And ask God to take charge of this situation. I want to also remind you that you need to be strong and hang on there. No matter how tough and scary it may seem you just have to hold on and continue to stay strong. Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I try. Honestly people expect me to stay strong no matter what. It’s like its ingrained in their minds that I can deal with anything but inside i am just falling apart.
      You have to show strength sometimes as you dont really have choice.
      Thanks for kind words and prayers. Please keep praying. Xoxo

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      1. Ouch… I’m close to tears. Wish I can hug you tight now. 🙏🏽🤗🤗 I think asking you to stay strong is the much people can do online. I prayed for you. I sincerely pray God answers and make this pain lesser with Divine strength… Try to stay up. Try. God take charge now. Amen. 🙏🏽🙏🏽😍💕🌷

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your feelings are NORMAL sweetie. Not welcome certainly, but normal. Anxiety about the upcoming procedure (however ‘minor’) will bring with it a certain amount of depression. If the feeling persists and gets worse AFTER the procedure, then you probably know what to do, but if not? Reach out to someone and get help. Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know it’s part of the process. Pre surgery anxiety/depression is normal. And after that hopefully I wont be that terrible as I have been through this before only difference I was under general anasthesia so I had jo clue what happened.
      I am staying connected to people who understand. That’s the best I can do right now. I rest..I dont know.
      Thanks for kind words and blessings

      Liked by 1 person

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