There’s a lot of gibberish ahead but I really need to vent so I came here to write as usual.
You can totally pass and move on to better posts.
My book gave so many reasons to be happy but my real life was still going shitty in a lot of ways.
People were being people. And even after me working my ass off to please them they were still being super duper assholish people!!
I mean how did God end up making this specie. Well maybe that’s the real test, to put up with this breed of absolute pain!
You gather all of your threads and you think you finally have a rope and then you snap! Because you were too tired of gathering those ropes.
I failed myself.
I finally got appointment that I had to do at least a month back. But stress won this time.
On the appointment day I couldnt lift my shoulders. It was physically hurting bad. I couldnt see I couldn’t talk. My 2 close friends told me it’s stress and i should still go, it will go away once I’m there.
But I insisted that it’s not! I’m physically tired.
Turns out my friends know me better.
The moment appointment time passed the pain magically vanished!
I booked another one, it’s tomorow. Pray it goes well. It’s new kinda doctor and such appointments feel like blind dates where you have to opened up about the depths of you…quite literally!
Well this failure left me disappointed in myself. I thought I finally had some control. But I don’t. And that hurt.
Well I watched movie the help today. This is going to be one of my favourite movies ever. And trust me I watch plenty!!
Normaly I play a movie on the side as I work but for this I closed everything. It was worth devouring every frame.
Today was happiness day. And my niece’s 1st birthday. And my sis sent a video of her dancing on the birthday song. The best part she literally fell over and rolled over her diaper like a rotating top, regained her balanced and started dancing again.. and I was like..That’s my niece!! I true fighter.
But today morning I wasnt my fighter self. I wasn turning to surrender. I was talking to my friend and told her maybe one day I will give up and accept everything and then maybe I will have a normal live.
But then thanks to people of special assholish breed, the PhD in moronic sciences, and thier pethatic af behaviour, after crying my eyes out I finally said..nope!! I m not going to stop fighting.
Remember I used to say I will fight even if I know I have 5 days left to live after winning. I will fight for those 5 days!
I am back on it!
Thank God for directing me.
I know suffering is horrible. It’s no fun. But I don’t wanna die a loser.