We take normalcy for granted.
We have some life changing events that literally divide our lives between pre and post event.
For me one of those divisions are my autoimmune.
I have a pre- autoimmune phase and a post-autoimmune phase.
And an in between phase when I was living with this illness in it’s full swing.
Wont go into too many detail or I will miss the point
Before autoimmune I would fast like any normal Muslim. I’m not very religious but this holy month was had a special place and like a lot of people like me I would be all enthusiastic and a devout Muslim for a month.
Then came autoimmune and I was dependent on steroids and immunosuppressants.
First I went on steroids and that makes you hungry all the time. Your portion size easily double and you still feel you haven’t eaten.
And you are thirsty because you feel your system is constantly burning inside.
This meant no fasting!
Even before you take steroid (prednisone) you have to take a medicine that coats your stomach lining and you are told you eat full and then have the medicine.
One day I ran out of coating medicine and wasnt really full. I swear I felt a little explosion in my stomach as I took the prednisone.
So just to prevent your medicines from not making your life any worse you need to eat and drink a lot.
I would drink at least 2.5 litres of water to somehow control water retention too, which didnt really help. I still gained to a point where my skin would hurt and I get bruises.
I went from wallet to huge bags as I had to accommodate water and medicines and lots of food.
This laster for few years.
And last year finally I was able to fast.
But I was dealing some other mess so I didnt have time to cherish the change.
But today it was my first fast for this year.
Half of the day was blurred by brain fog but when it got clear I was so grateful.
I remember the time when I couldn’t offer Salah (prayer) because my body was so stiff with water retention my legs wouldn’t bend. Everything would hurt. And I would hyperventilate so bad it would feel like a heart attack or something.
Even though there’s is ease you can pray laying down too but I felt something is taken away from me.
It was annoying and demoralizing.
But now when I’m in recovery. Actually almost recovered. I was counting my blessing today.
My bags are getting smaller.
I lost a lot of water retention.
No more meds.
I can bend my knees and elbows. I can pray like I used to before.
And I can fast!
I can survive without food and medicines and water for hours like I normally would before I got sick.
I had all of that before too, but it was normal.
But now when it’s all being returned to me one by one, it feels amazing.
Will I be same old me again? Impossible!
There are few things I will never have again.
But there are few that i would never have if i never fell sick.
Recovery is a beautiful process..BUT!!
But you are not supposed to shock your body!
This is the most crucial thing.
Don’t get excited and put any kind of pressure in yourself.
Be gentle. Be kind to your body and soul and enjoy this whole process one morsel at a time.
Have a wonderful day guys 🙂
Copyright © 2019 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved
Here’s the link to my debut poetry collection => Swinging Sanity
Here’s the link to my post about the book –All About Swinging Sanity