Not really having a good time since yesterday.
I went for an aftar (sort of dinner) and there a lady who I never met before shot a very personal and offensive (well for me at least) question at me.
As it was a formal even i told myself “mental note, be careful with this lady”.
She was giving me a bad vibe. I tried to start conversation 2 3 times because I later will get labelled antisocial but she would always respond with wierd taunting attitude.
I don’t know what was her problem.
Then some time later she had audacity to say “looks like she doesn’t talk much” in front of a lot of people and most of them didnt even know me.
So this lady was first being mean to me and then went on to give an impression that I don’t talk or I don’t want to be around people.
Like how manipulative could you be.
I was literally curling into myself and started getting scared. I felt attacked and alone.
I started texting my close friends. Sam was avaiable. She said talk to someone.
I told her I don’t know these people but this gave me an idea.
I eyed a girl who was actually nice but she came late so that mean lady took advantage of that and already made me look like antisocial in front of her too, it was obvious she felt I dont want to talk to anyone.
So the moment that lady left the table I randomly started a convo and moments later we were finding connections and getting along realy well. Her husband joined in too. So we were talking and laughing already when that mean lady came returned to the table.
I felt so relieved.
B**** I’m not letting anyone label me!!
I was having a terrible time but it was bothering me that a random person shamelessly was giving people wrong impression about me that too in my presence!
All’s well that ends well.
Guys do not let anyone label you. If someone is mean to you just turn your back to them and start enjoying your day with someone else.
Prove them wrong right there!
After this is gibberish..
But it’s not people like this lady who are capable of hurting me. I can handle strangers.
They can annoy me but not hurt me.
It’s people I love and care about, who don’t realise when I’m feeling unappreciated.
I just feel so sad and empty.
I wish people did 10% of what I do for them. Or at least acknowledged it. I’m hurt.
I constantly feel no matter what I do people don’t value it. At least my real life people.
I dont even ask anything in return but at least realise that I make an effort for them? Is that too much to ask?
And I have this horrible habit of making same mistakes. I know I wont be appriciated but I still keep making efforts to please people.
You know why?? Because I truely care and want to see them happy.
I feel pethatic saying all of this.
I don’t know when and how I will get rid of this self-destructive attitude.
Copyright © 2019 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved
Here’s the link to my debut poetry collection => Swinging Sanity
Here’s the link to my post about the book –All About Swinging Sanity