Remembering her..

It’s almost 11 pm here. After one hour it will be 22nd. Can you guys believe it’s been 2 years since we lost ammi (my mom)

A lot of you guys were with me holding me togather even if it was in this virtual world but it was the scariest time of my life and I needed people who could handle me. I can never forget those nights when you all just stayed with me through the traveling and all and just didnt leave me alone.

I’m smiling and I’m teary eyed. I’m so blessed to have this place in my life I can’t thank God enough for bringing me here.

It’s been a dark month but right now I dont feel darkness. I feel enlightened. As my mom was one of the most positive and productive people I have ever known.

She didnt have a trace of negativity in her personality till her last breath. She never gave up and always believed in the good.

I think I’m her polar opposite in some ways.

She had a warrior spirit. I can’t imagine the pain she endured but can imagine how she still stayed hopeful and didnt lose hope.

As long as she could see properly, she was crocheting. Reading, watching cooking shows on YouTube and what not.

Even thought she only studied till 10th grade, she never stopped learning. We have two big bags full of her dairies that she filled memories and recipies and whatnot.

Till the very end she wanted to look good. She would dress up and take care of herself. And we all made sure she gets what she wanted.

Tonight I followed my 4 step skin care routine after like a century as somewhere secretly i felt she would like that.

She would like to see her disaster daughter trying to take care of herself.

I don’t want to let down the bravest most positive person on the planet.

I don’t know what else to say. This is an unfortunate reality of life. We have to go. We have to lose loved ones. Theres no wys wr can escape it.

But some people leave light behind. The gaps can’t be filled, the emptiness will never go. But there’s so much to learn from her even when she is not here.

This is her achievement. We still mention her and learn from her.

I can keep going forever.

I wish I had done something for her. I always feel we didnt do justice. We didnt understand her.

Guys, if you have your parents you have no idea what you have.

Please be kind to them. Understand them. Forgive them. Especially when they are old.

Just be kind to everyone and yourself.

Take care.

And thank again for being here.

Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I am inviting Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

Copyright © 2019 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

Here’s the link to my debut poetry collection => Swinging Sanity

Here’s the link to my post about the book – All About Swinging Sanity

33 thoughts on “Remembering her..

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  1. May God bless your mom with peace. I can understand your feelings because this loss really never goes away, just fades with time. I lost my mom when I was six and more 52 years later. I still miss her. But being the person she would have liked you to be is the best compliment you can give to her memory. Take care.

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  2. My mother died some ago. It is odd though, that the more time passes the more she seems connected to everything. It makes me realise that time itself is the curtain that hides everything from us. If we can pull that curtain to one side – just for an instant – we catch a glimpse of the reality that everything is as it always was and as it will always be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. it’s a complicated thought i dont know why i got a chill. i feel she is will me ad i feel she is not with me. its so hard to explain. we had to remove her pictures from walls when my dad went manic to avoid triggers. but still everyone says they feel she will just appear from any room. but on the other hand there’s a bitter truth of life in a lot of cases we end up saying “thank God she is not here this would have broken her really badly” life n losses are very complicated


  3. I can relate to everything you’ve said about loss. My mom died in October 1993, so long ago now, but it feels like just yesterday. I have awoken in the middle of the night calling her name. She was my rock and my anchor. She lives on in my memory; her spirit is still apart of me. Your mom’s spirit is and will always be apart of you. Sending you love and a blessing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i feel our parents are our anchors. mom was a tight rope holding everything togather and now everything is just so scattered. yes she is a part of me. i have her frames artwork on my headboard and i see her and miss her at the same time.


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