I’m shaking. From not what happened few hours ago (refer to previous post, https://stoneronarollercoaster.wordpress.com/2020/02/01/hyper-panicked/
But from what just happened.
After that breaking news, I was reaching my breaking point. And that tingling started in my shoulders, that’s how panic attack creeps in. I knew I just am going to have a horrible time handling this.
Then I called dad.
He had to leave for a birthday party but he sat down and said no, you talk it’s ok.
And I poured out. I told him I was scared.
My traumas are nothing in front of his. He suffers from a major mental disorder and really struggles to just pass a day.
But he was there for me. I can’t stop crying writing all of this. We are always careful what we r saying in front of him but I couldn’t hold back. I was really really scared and nothing was helping.
He talked to me. He really really talked to me.
He prepared me for situation. He calmed me.
He was reminding me of my late grandfather (his dad). He was literally the closest person in my life. And that’s exactly how he used to help me deal with life.
I was constantly teary eyed but I trying not to sound like that.
He told me everything is going to go great with total confidence and I will see better days.
He reminded me of our goal.
We really don’t appreciate our parents enough. We always underestimate the power they hold to fix us and our lives.
Heck they brought us in this world and yet we think they don’t understand us and what we need.
No family is perfect.
But right now I feel so so bless, ever know internal tremors are going to take a while to fizzle out.
Maybe I will go and write that poem, after i do everything that dad suggested. he gave me a complete action plan.
Pray for me please.