Heart-pour

It’s been more than a month in quarantine. But I was accidentally blessed to be with my family, in my comfort zone when flights stopped.

Even though I will be paying for it later when I will have to start all over. And economy everywhere…we all know…

But I am not the only one. In fact I’m one of the luckiest people to be in a relatively comfortable position by every means.

I know even though it’s a global pandemic, it’s hitting people differently.

But what do we do about our ungrateful minds.

It started pulling me back to where I was when I came here. And it wasn’t a nice place.

I edited, formatted and published paperback of my book.

I ran a promotion and it played out well.

But still I wasn’t feeling ok.

So I took a break from people in general. It got concerning for my family but gladly most of them understand now so they just let me be. During this time I read 3 books, I haven’t gotten a chance to read this much in a long while.

But nope.. no satisfaction. It was like the hollow was getting hollower with every effort I made to fill it.

Then I ordered art materials. A sketchpad, pastels, charcoal and all of that stuff was such amazing quality, pastels were buttery and pad has cool toned papers.. but I was sitting by the pile of stuff, numb, feeling nothing.

I almost felt I have lost ability to feel joy, happiness, satisfaction.

I felt that dark cloud of constant gloom never leaves my head.

Even when I’m with people I want to be with.

I have all the material aspects that are imagined to bring joy. Take my word, it’s a huge lie.

After days of struggling to find out why is this happening, I raised the white flag of surrender and left myself to the mercy of the winds.

It’s easier this way. Easier to cope

I stoped chasing answer.

Because nobody has an answer to anything these days.

I have constant guilt of not studying enough, not working out, not eating healthy, not taking care of my pending tasks..

But then it’s ok.

We all are going through something that binds all of us to some level.

You can have everything and still you can’t have a plan. But it’s okay not to have one right now.

We are humans against a pandemic, it’s not a movie … it’s life.

If you can do something productive, it’s ok.

If you can’t, that’s ok as well.

Eventually this will end and the dust will settle.

We all will go back to life.

There will be changes but we will get used to those too.

Don’t be hard on yourself, because the world will move on but the damage to your mental health will stay.

Take care of yourself, your mind, your heart.

Copyright © 2020 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I am inviting Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

20 thoughts on “Heart-pour

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  1. It is a roller coaster so sit back and enjoy the ride as best you can I reckon. I am not affected as to me I live in isolation most of the time and have lots to keep me occupied but the last few days has been hard for unknown reasons. Your words are what I needed to hear I guess. As we go down the next part of the ride, I’m throwing my hands in the air…..join me?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are 100% right with your words here. The world will move on and we will get used to it. I have become used to being at home all the time and it has become easier. So much easier that I don’t ever want to go back to the office.

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    1. Yea gradually we are getting used to a few things. People are getting comfortable with the concept of work from home, which wasn’t too common before this situation.
      Even tho a lot of them complain they are not half as productive as they were in office environment, but I think if it prolongs for a few more months that problem might fizzle out too.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Good advice, thank you ❤️

    I have been getting angry with myself for not doing more. Why am I not writing a lot? Why am I just sitting here? I don’t exercise to video like I said. On and on. Just getting through this is enough maybe…

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    1. Exactly! For a week or so I was just laying in bed staring ceiling. It was terrifying to myself how dead I felt and I then I would blame myself for not doing much.
      Once I jut allowed myself to go with the flow, things started getting better.
      All we need to do is survive, we will fix the rest later.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Human race has survived a lot more than we know of. I’m sure we will get through this and we will be more informed. Reall problem with this pandemic is that nobody could imagine anything like this can happen, now we do! So hopefully we will be doing more with lives and come out as better people.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. it’s looking like they’re expecting this to last for a couple years there was something on CNN last night about how NEXT winter it’s going to be even worse … you got your book published? where?

    Liked by 1 person

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