I am circling in that loop of honor we call self-doubt, again!
Apparently self pep talk isn’t working. And peers pep talk isn’t working either.
I questioned my own decision and then answered them as if I am talking to a mirror.
Took hours, days coaxing myself into believing “it is ok”
There’s a problem with options, they can overwhelmed you pretty fast. And for anxiety riddled squirrel I’m, it threw me into hamster wheel.
I once again cradled my vulnerability and started making lists.
“We have time. We are stronger that before. We will find a way. We have come this far we will take care of the rest too.”
I tell all my friends and a foe (me).
Lists started with 5 different entirely segments of my own life.. then they all are filling up pages at the lightening speed.
Where do I begin.
I picked one task, spent whole day sticking my eyeballs on screen and failed..again..
Have you ever tried a hundred times to make a simple thing possible and then failed?? I am a platinum member of that club.
The attempts don’t exhaust you, not getting the result does.
I left everything and laid down intentionally clouding my mind so that I don’t see the world around me. And then realized I haven’t been wearing my glasses in last 10 days and it has started giving me headache now.
I looked for my glasses.
Then I looked for my art supplies. This is so weird I forgot where I kept my charcoal willow sticks.
And now we begin our tragedy artist thing we do.
No plans, no reference, nothing on my mind.
Let’s see where it goes.
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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I am inviting Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.