Human body is complicated. We survive alot more than we thing we can.
But if our system is rattled once, we have permanent damages that just sit silently below the surface, waiting for a trigger, mostly any kind of stress.
By any kind i mean physical emotional or mental or a brutal concontion of all of them.
Emotionally I’m in a relatively stable place that I achived by blocking choas, by chaos.
Guys, I watched 2 seasons of the umbrella academy in less than 3 days.
When i already had to much on my plate and still my mind wouldn’t stop being mischievous. I had to block the passages of anything that would trigger me emotionally.
And it kind of worked.
I’m not watching my diet anymore since i was gaining weight and eating more due to stress. I will deal with this later. Just trying to eat healthy. Supplements are helping.
When have treked a dangerous route once and now i stand at the foot of this hill.
A little tremors, and it spits rocks on me.
But when I’m caught with something physically challenging, it’s like a snowball starts rolling down and it’s size is multipling every minute. The disaster unroll in stealth mode, i know its happening but i somehow don’t try to save myself.
Eventually that humongous snowball drops on me and it takes days to be able to stand up.
That’s what chronic illness and years of treatments do to you.
You have to get along with life. Doctors conveniently said “you can’t stop living” when it’s no more same life. I’m no more same person.
Now my dress, make up, hair everything is to hide the damages, looking good is no more the objective.
Whatever happened, it has definitely made me a better person. But it sucks when your body keeps reminding you of the whole painful journey.
I can see that huge snowball rolling madly to drop on my head. And there’s nothing I can do.
I dont want to get used to pain killers. So I will just stand here and wait.
Such is life..
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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.