Weird, anxious and dramatic

What do you do when something is burning in your apartment building.

There’s firetruck and probably an ambulance (i couldn’t really see)

Entrance and exit is blocked so clearly there’s something serious. Security was diverting traffic away from building.

But fire alarm hasn’t even hissed yet!!

Our fire alarms are crazy, you get a little more passionate with cooking and alarm start screaming like its doomsday!

I called reception, nobody picked…surprise!

Then i called Sam. Oh she was actually already on call my mental health has been a shitshow lately and i was in the middle of anxiety attack.

I was updating her live and she told me to go out and check and there was nobody in the corridor.

And i heard beeps of elevator, so it was functioning, which doesnt happen when there fire.

Emergency exit is just next to my door i could start running downstairs but i didn’t feel it was wise thing to do.. if they had to evacuate building fire alarms would have gone off long ago. What if fire was somewhere in between the exit.

I wore my stole, and grabbed my bag (dont do that, i had time) and i already had phone..sam was with me throughout.

Then drama began.

I told her … look you are here in my final few hours..

So this is how it ends, not with a bang but with a whimper..

Then we both kinda lost it.

We were stress laughing, cracking jokes.

The realization that we are completely demented weirdos was helping us cope with the confusion.

My mental health has half crippled me.
There’s so much pain inside me sometime i feel like screaming untill my voice dies. Or sometimes i feel i will actually start crawling on the walls or wont be able to even stand up.

I can feel it on my skin, the crawling and burning the feeling of 20 needles pricking you at once. It’s maddening.

But i have such amazing friends by my side, God just sent them to me like… here you are going to have miserable life but I’m giving you few angels to help you.

I don’t know what friends are for people. But for me they literally keep me alive. I wouldn’t be able to make it if i didn’t have friends who didnt let me crash.

Nothing happened. Things calmed after few hours.

Oh did i tell you it was my last day in that apartment.

I moved to a new place today. But same building..lol

But check this view guys

20201003_002152

20201003_002359

Reminds me of my old home where i could see full sunset but this one is nice too.

Pictures can’t do justice to what it looks like in real but might take out camera and take better pictures.

And guess what i unpacked first..my books!! Surprise..

Well. Its a wild rollercoaster ride. October is worst month for me and it doesn’t get easier no matter what. I have too many reasons to hate this month, worst being i lost my mom this month. It just burns me alive everytime. She was in my hands!

This cursed month landed me in ER for crippling migraines last yr, never had those before.

This time im just trying not to fight it and let it pass.. as i mentioned in earlier post. I will just lay on the shore and let the storm pass.

Life doesn’t get easier, and sometimes it doesn’t even make you stronger. Only makes you psychotic.

But i got to know there are people who genuinely care about me and that’s everything.

..

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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

You can find my poetry collection here=>  ss ebook 2020 small

14 thoughts on “Weird, anxious and dramatic

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  1. I may still have the view from my stay at omni in downtown dallas tx which isn’t as glittering but still wow too in a similar way. Wow. Nice view.

    I’m curious if lavender oil in any way helps when you . igraine. Dont be surprised if you think I’m expecting a fuck no! Gimme real drugs ouch!.

    Weird how no one wants to share info so one has to gossip getty-ip like a cranky old neighbor to know anything.

    On first sacrifice picture, second oven cleaning (cycle…it isn’t that horrible but I’m about to make it sound that way 😉 ) second tub scrub of how did he get so dirty? Done wow that ate up the tube of comet cleanser! I’m glad you moved so you should have less run away maintaining chores to attend 🙂 I’m cat sitting practice for sis as I’ve gotta spiffy or I shifty elsewhere too soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A nice view is a mini therapy. I was most creative in my home with giant windows.

      Ahaha lavender oil does wonders for me. I actually have a bath and body one with sleep written on it. I massage it on my shoulders since in my case it burns the most in anxiety. Thanks for reminding me i actually got up but its burried in some box. Will keep it handy.

      Well. There werent even nieghbours. I was only person standing on my door and the whole place was calm as nothing happened. I didnt know what to feel about it.

      Gosh i wish i didn’t have many chores. I don’t know where to start cleaning and fixing. I just started and then i felt like i suddenly entred a dirty haunted house from movies. Well.. happens..

      All the best for cat sitting. That can be real challenge at times.

      Like

      1. I only hope so I get paid heh kitty lives and believe you me he’s been a nice kitty! Kitty skittish even for a siamese which yeowl! Oh boy howdy they “talk!”. But they’re cuties. I grew up with a bitch of a white persian satan long hair queen of everything while physically sound. Tailless and decrepit older but still lovable.

        I’m with dogs well used to the fast entry/exit or followers!!

        I want dinnnnnner! I’m hungry damn it. I’ve 2.5 hour to go just to wipe and bake in the second oven! Uuuurgh! But! Basic long time tasks are achieved. Or soon will be. It’s those I offer not some mega droid on meth cleaning I offer I myself am too decrepit to fight for much more. It’d sound! Like I’m mom from heaven with an army of grandmother’s angels descending but I’m just a lazy boy who’d like with a minor effort to not embarrass my offer when I needed a hand.

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