Sometimes I want to pick rocks and pelt myself
Or bring down stars and scratch myself with its edges
Sometimes I really wish sky would tear apart and suck me up
Or earth would crack open and gulp me down
Some days I don’t want to exist
Some days this seems like only thing that can rid me of this pain
Some days the trauma burns all of my happiness combined
To ashes, like it never existed
Like I have never been happy, I never will be
And I never can..
Some days I wonder why do I even exist
What a shitty way to balance out all the joy in world
By putting me against it in the balance
And guess what, this is only place where I win.
I win at misery and despair.