It all started 10 days back..
I had guests over and there was a couple that weren’t invited initially but they said they wanna come over so I let them, they have been asking for a long time.
All sounds well until I tell you the guy has OCD.
And my home wasn’t prepared to be inspected under a microscope by him and his wife (who did not have any such disorder)
Let’s just say the couple literally scanned and questioned every corner of my home when I was already busy cooking and serving.
The whole thing sent me in overdrive.
I have been cleaning, sorting, throwing stuff, organizing and by the night I feel there’s a lot more left.
Not that my home was a dumpster before that, but judgement can be very triggering.
It wasn’t just home.
I started creating more work for myself and just making my life harder.
I was in kitchen non-stop cooking multiple things at once, I might have to give them away. I have too much extra cooked food now. or maybe will freeze them, but freezer is full too.
For last 2 nights I can’t sleep.
My legs and feet hurt coz I have been standing all day.
Last night I was crying in pain, insomnia, anxiety and helplessness.
And a little self pity and anger.
I didn’t have to let somebody get to me this bad.
It’s not the guy’s fault we have known him for a long time and I understand it’s hard to live with OCD.
But the whole thing got to me really badly. I was organizing home on my own pace there was very little left but now I felt it wasn’t just little.
After having a mini meltdown last night, today I swore I will rest.
But it wasn’t easy.
I’m anxious and fidgety.
I did breakfast, called sam and vented. She suggested I do thing I need to sit down for. Like reading, watching something or sleeping etc etc.
well. I had a foot mask.
It’s a pair of socks with some chemical exfoliant (i’m guessing) in it and you have to wear it for 60 to 90 minutes.
It’s socks for elephants and made of thin plastic and I can’t walk in them. Can’t even wear human slippers with them.
This shit was manufactured for bigfoot!
As they would kinda tie me up for 60 to 90 mins, I went ahead and wore them.
And 5 minutes later the door bell rang and it was a delivery.
The delivery guy called and I told him to leave it outside.
But it had the book Fight Club in it.
Since I’m obsessed with the movie I was dying to get the book.
After being patient for few long minutes I got up and walked to door…like and elephants with plastic socks.
It was frustrating but the smell of new book with pale paper…oh. I have it next to me.
In coming few hours I will try to stay in my bed. I got water and snacks with me, that reminds me I ate up all almonds have to order those too..
So I will order some grocery.
I’m writing this post.
I kinda wanna start watching mad men I think I might like it. Even tho I haven’t even seen trailer. I will check.
already watching fargo.
f*** education and lectures.
Plan is to stay in bed intensionally.
Maybe I will make a list of things to do when I get up..
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