Forcing myself to rest.

It all started 10 days back..

I had guests over and there was a couple that weren’t invited initially but they said they wanna come over so I let them, they have been asking for a long time.

All sounds well until I tell you the guy has OCD.

Actual OCD.

And my home wasn’t prepared to be inspected under a microscope by him and his wife (who did not have any such disorder)

Let’s just say the couple literally scanned and questioned every corner of my home when I was already busy cooking and serving.

The whole thing sent me in overdrive.

I have been cleaning, sorting, throwing stuff, organizing and by the night I feel there’s a lot more left.

Not that my home was a dumpster before that, but judgement can be very triggering.

It wasn’t just home.

I started creating more work for myself and just making my life harder.

I was in kitchen non-stop cooking multiple things at once, I might have to give them away. I have too much extra cooked food now. or maybe will freeze them, but freezer is full too.

For last 2 nights I can’t sleep.

My legs and feet hurt coz I have been standing all day.

Last night I was crying in pain, insomnia, anxiety and helplessness.

And a little self pity and anger.

I didn’t have to let somebody get to me this bad.

It’s not the guy’s fault we have known him for a long time and I understand it’s hard to live with OCD.

But the whole thing got to me really badly. I was organizing home on my own pace there was very little left but now I felt it wasn’t just little.

After having a mini meltdown last night, today I swore I will rest.

But it wasn’t easy.

I’m anxious and fidgety.

I did breakfast, called sam and vented. She suggested I do thing I need to sit down for. Like reading, watching something or sleeping etc etc.

well. I had a foot mask.

It’s a pair of socks with some chemical exfoliant (i’m guessing) in it and you have to wear it for 60 to 90 minutes.

It’s socks for elephants and made of thin plastic and I can’t walk in them. Can’t even wear human slippers with them.

This shit was manufactured for bigfoot!

As they would kinda tie me up for 60 to 90 mins, I went ahead and wore them.

And 5 minutes later the door bell rang and it was a delivery.

The delivery guy called and I told him to leave it outside.

But it had the book Fight Club in it.

Since I’m obsessed with the movie I was dying to get the book.

After being patient for few long minutes I got up and walked to door…like and elephants with plastic socks.

It was frustrating but the smell of new book with pale paper…oh. I have it next to me.

In coming few hours I will try to stay in my bed. I got water and snacks with me, that reminds me I ate up all almonds have to order those too..

Hmm

So I will order some grocery.

I’m writing this post.

I kinda wanna start watching mad men I think I might like it. Even tho I haven’t even seen trailer. I will check.

already watching fargo. 

f*** education and lectures.

well.

Plan is to stay in bed intensionally.

Maybe I will make a list of things to do when I get up..

..

pngfuel.com (1)

Copyright © 2021 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

You can find my poetry collection here=>  ss ebook 2020 small

6 thoughts on “Forcing myself to rest.

Add yours

  1. The two things I hate to do are comment without knowing enough information and give advice. As a side note, I have issues with OCD too – the way so many claim it.

    I have a question: are you sure this guy has OCD? In more than a “I’ve told you I have OCD and now I’m going to inspect and judge your home and you’re going to tolerate it because I have OCD”? And this is the part where I hate myself for making assumptions about people I don’t know and situations where I have only a little info.

    But it doesn’t sound like OCD to me. Sounds passive-aggressive and being a jerk. I find that OCD is like gluten. Everyone lays claim to a connection these days. But it isn’t really about cleanliness and their neuroses are on them to deal with if they do have a problem.

    You get to do you and live your life without feeling apologetic and down.

    I love that you did the foot sheet mask – I did one this week too: it came in my CauseBox. You do feel like you have elephant feet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Somebody said i might have ocd too but i think thats just anxiety.

      Honestly i thought for a long time when you asked because honestly am not even sure.  I heard “he has ocd” and never questioned it. He always seemed triggered by little things so i just have this habit of being extra careful around him.

      I never question anybody’s mental health claims even though i know a lot of people have started justifying their behaviour that way.

      Ahaha you are so right about gluten and ocd.

      All of this have actualy made me apologetic and down. It was very hard to be ok after feeling their eyes on every little corner of my home. I have thrown at least a quarter of my total stuff.

      Sheet mask was an experience my feet are still shedding some skin and it’s so satisfying.

      Thanks for reading and commenting and I’m sorry for replying late.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sorry you felt down with the questions: that definitely wasn’t my intent. No worries for the timing of your response: there’s no penalty. 💗😊

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to stoner on a rollercoaster Cancel reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: