Ready for a ramble?
Hop on!
I had a major meltdown one month back. But I kept it to myself because of multiple reasons that I will get into when we talk about the whole episode.
I did let it out through writing but posting it didn’t seem like a good idea.
Then one month later a second wave came this time there were no tears, no panic attack, no major fluctuation in anxiety level, I don’t think I was sinking too deep in depression, but I was struggling.
I was bottling it up.
One of my biggest triggers was hitting me in waves and I was just standing still waiting for the next crash.
I was feeling everything and nothing.
I resorted to art, but I was trying to stay positive since I felt my mental health was in control I just needed to keep steering it in the right direction.
I started this work,
Which got stuck at this stage
Then today, I said fuck positive!
I picked up a random cardboard piece that was just lying in a grocery box.
My charcoal work materials has permanent residence on my headboard.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I saw her. Clear as day.
Next it took minutes to bring her to tan surface.
I was sketching while see was staring at me with her questioning eyes.
Honestly charcoal looks magical on tan surface.
The whole thing happened in 15 minutes but it was satisfying more than a work that take hours.
Satisfying enough to mellow my emotional struggle a notch.
Then I did something that’s not recommended to do on a whim.
Guess who got a haircut today??
I will never understand the connection between anxiety and hair cutting.
It’s like something settles in tips of my hair that has to be disconnected.
Like a very twisted version of tangled.
It’s just my experience, personal coping mechanism that has never made me proud.
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!
Absolutely not!
Normally when I’m going through a dark phase I always came out with shorter hair, that too from random places.
Thank God I have thick unruly hair so you can’t really tell what’s missing.
I still regret my compulsive buffoonery when I come back to senses.
Like how terrifyingly EMBARRASSINGLY self destructive you could be?
This time grass was out of control and anxiety probably wasn’t as I didn’t reach for scissors myself.
I definitely feel better. My hair were breaking like crazy, specially during workouts.
Hairdresser was enchantress with shears.
And once I tipped her a little better (she did a great job) she came running with a hair cream. To give me as a gift. No matter how much I resisted she was like noooooooooo
So..I took it.
Also because she was teaching me how to use it.
She probably guessed I am a monkey in this genre.
In between accent barrier, masks, and just pandemic confusion the whole experience was wholesome. Everyone went home happy.
I couldn’t tell my friends what I was going through because this could trigger them too, so this time I had to deal with it on my own.
This last month or so, I went on cringe binge, true-crime binge, working out like crazy, then eating like a hungry raccoon. Music, movies, art, prayers, writing, you name it..
All of that accumulated, finally helped today.
There’s no fixed rule to cope when you are struggling mentally and emotionally. There’s no glue that you can mend your broken pieces with.
The whole process from breaking down to recovery is mostly organic.
You keep moving with the flow and eventually things start to fall into place.
…
..
Copyright © 2021 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved
Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.
Haircut suits you. Healing is a organic process, but love from family and friends can speed it up. Hugs.
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Thank you so much ❤️
It definitely does, but my struggle could trigger them, otherwise a few calls to friends and I feel much much better.
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Friends are sometimes easier to talk to.
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That’s so true.
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👍👍👍
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Looks like a lot of us did that some time during the quarantine. Sort of like preparing for a restart.
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So far, i have had at least 20 restarts. 😆 the system is broken now.
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Beautiful art
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Thank you 🙂
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So talented!
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Thank you 🙂
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Oh I have that same mask actually B-)
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So this is what we connect on now 😆
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haha hey it’s multi-dimensional B-)
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what’s multi-dimentional ?
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Connections
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Oh lol
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as it appears when we stop trying things begin to move on easier and more convincingly
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I agree. maybe we focus too much on doing things right.
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Hey. I’m new to your work. It’s become my favourite part of reading my emails every morning. The deepest lessons are in the rawness and relatability of our stories. Having been in some winters of my own recently, yours are a blessing to me. Chin up ♡
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aww that’s so kind of you. I’m so glad you enjoy reading my blog this means a lot to me.
thank you! 🙂
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Your artistry skills improved. I am glad to see you are still working on it. I also noticed you are handling your anxiety problems well, at least enough to push through it and emerge back to light. It brings me inner peace when I see you flourish. That hair looks good on you. Very good. 😀
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I’m never going to stop working on my art and writing both. It’s a never ending process.
Yea kinda got better at managing my mental health, or maybe life got a little more bearable.
thats very kind of you, i feel the same way about all my blog friends.
haircut was more of a necessity at this point lol.
Thanks a lot for the comment. 🙂
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I am here for you, if you need someone to talk to, even though I am buried with work at times. 😀
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Aw that’s very kind of you. 🙂
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You are beautiful! I have missed a few chapters of your life, and glad I stumbled across YOU. Go ahead and fuck positive. You won’t win here. lol. Love you.
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Aww i suddenly miss you so badly. My life is crazy, no matter how many chapters you miss, you will still be on some crazy pqage.
Really happy to see you here.
love you too ❤️
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