I have to say something before my head explodes.
Day before yesterday I got to know that a girl was beaten, divorced and kicked out of home, in the middle of the night. When her parents were not in the same country and her 2 younger siblings were sleeping in their home.
There are too many layers in this whole picture, allow me to strip them one by one and show you the ugly rotten face of my culture/country/part of the world. Some of my friends say such barbarism exist across the globe.
So this girl (30 something) didn’t fit in the perfect marriage-worthy-girl checklist. If you are wondering what absolutely necessary specs a girl should have (since she is like laptop you are buying) here is the list:
Fair (above all). Which is abnormal criteria, South Asians are brown by race. And I think it’s a beautiful colour, but who cares.
Skinny. we have no consideration of health issue. She can be pale and starving even anorexic, but can’t have flesh on her bones.
Tall. Yea because who is going to clean fans. Oh because she is going to be a free live-in maid after marriage.
Stylish/trendy/groomed. There is no space for individuality.
Rich. Because they expect shit-ton of dowry. Parents are expected to furnish the home or at least a portion of home without even asking. This is unsaid rule. They say “we don’t want anything if you want to give something to your daughter it’s ok”
Daughter’s father must have a big home because in case poor dad dies, these vultures will be there to snatch away “their share”, for the daughter of course!
These are requirements for selection. We aren’t even going to get into what happens after she get married.
Her career is totally dependent on in-laws and husband’s wish. She needs their permission if she wants to work no matter what her qualification is. She can’t even question their wish, they straight up threaten with divorce.
Now about divorce. Our system is strictly anti-divorce. And honestly sometimes I understand why parents of a girl hesitate. There’s no place for a divorcee is our shitty system, she has to get into another marriage ASAP and this “second chance” comes with a long list of compromises, because apparently the guy is sacrificing by marrying a divorcee.
So, back to the girl, let’s call her A.
A didn’t fit in the list.
But as I remember her. She carried herself well. I don’t remember anything wrong with her. I remember she had nice hair.
She got married 2 years back. And it’s funny, the moment her parents migrated to US and her brother got citizenship, these relatives suddenly sent marriage proposal. These 2 families were very closely-knit and knew each other since forever.
My own aunt saw her one day in a mall and she felt something was off because A was carrying bags and kids of her sister-in-laws looking very distraught, while these women were enjoying their shopping trip.
Days before this fateful night she called her brother, who incidentally happens to be a psychiatrist, and she said “why don’t you strangle me with your own hands”. Her husband was beaten her day and night.
And the psychiatrist brother said “be patient and compromise, because I have 1 more sister, who will marry her if you come back”
Slow cap for the brother please..
He must be offering counseling to victims of domestic violence as part of his job, acting as the kindest man on the planet. But when it comes to his own sister, honor comes first!
We drive our daughters to suicide.
And I don’t say this lightly.
I have SEEN IT!
When we hear stories we show sympathy just to show how compassionate we are, but we don’t help our own family.
When I heard all of it, I literally screamed. I know these people. A’s parents are the nicest parents-in-law to their daughter-in-law and their own daughter went through this.
And oh! Her horrible husband has told the whole world that A is a psycho and her family cheated him by marrying their mentally unstable daughter to him. And everyone believes him, too.
His family has known A for all her life!
I told you this whole thing is a fucking onion from hell.
What was her family trying to achieve by not letting her come back? They were fearing divorce? But that’s what happened eventually after breaking her soul forever.
Abuse of any form at the hands of spouse is the most traumatizing thing ever. Nothing fixes it.
I don’t know what difference me talking about it here is making.
But if anyone around you is in a traumatizing marriage, please help them.
You will be helping whole humanity and saving lives, trust me on this.
It takes one person to hold their and tell them “you don’t deserve this and you can come out of it”
Such marriages eventually end in divorce, major mental health issue, even suicides.. or murder…
I don’t even know what’s happening to her now. Her mother fell ill after all of this.
But what about her? Nobody knows. Because maybe nobody cares.
People probably would be blaming her for not being the lowest level of a slave. Because that’s what makes us a good wife.
Please don’t judge girls. Don’t push them to a point where they feel they must get married. It’s a lot of pressure for their family and them.
And families, please let your daughter live.
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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.