2 am ramble

It’s almost 2 am and I have biryani on stove. In case you are wandering what biryani is.. here is a virtual sample .

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Biryani is love biryani is life.

At this point my life is a funny mess. My mind is play-dough and stomach is confused because it’s operating in opposite time zone.

I’m one of those animals who HAVE to be eating all the time to function. My whole day runs on like 50 small meals. And when I’m fasting I hear my stomach say.. “dude, it’s been 5 minutes. I’m shrinking?”

It’s the month of worship and blessings and you can go easy on your diet and workout and have a daily all-you-can-eat party after breaking fast.

But what if you have a wedding in family coming very very soon!

I might end up looking ghubara in gharara.

Ghubara = balloon

Gharara = the traditional dress I ordered.

This gharara is becoming the hardest project of the century because I’m ordering it the way I want and it’s making me and the designer cry.. like actual tears of anguish.

It took us 4 days to have 1 phone conversation that lasted 2 minutes and we both were talking like minions.

It seems, we all are sitting on rockets en route to very important meetings on different planets.

Shopping and getting clothes made and all… I simply suck at all of that.

Now to balloon part.

I never in my wildest imagination thought that I would workout around midnight.

But it’s happening.

Either I’m pacing like crazy (mostly because of back-to-back anxiety-inducing calls from family) or doing 25% of my usual workout. After that I start to die, cry and get hungry at the same time.

It’s like my whole clock has flipped 180 degrees (somebody tell me where’s degrees sign on keyboard please. The time it took me to write this line I could actually google it or figure it out myself.. I really need to stop)

So!

That’s life these days.

I have been doing meal preparation but then when I sit down to eat I feel there is a lot missing and then start cooking again.

Moms spoil us forever. We always feel we aren’t doing enough because she seemed to be cooking for a small town.

I don’t even know why I’m doing this. Sometimes I feel I’m making my life harder.

But then this is my No.1 coping mechanism when my anxiety shoots up.

Things haven’t been going well at home and I find myself sleeping or over-occupying myself to a point where I can’t squeeze one more thought in my head.

My friends are with me, like they always are.

But sometimes you are brimming and shaking with anxiety and you fear you might just explode any moment.

In that moment you could go on to work on a random farm just to distract yourself.

Because you want to believe it’s temporary and it will pass.

Time to take my melatonin or I will keep rambling.

Take care people.

..

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12 thoughts on “2 am ramble

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  1. “Ghubara in gharara.” I love this. It’s rhythmic. It rolls off the tongue. I’m sorry you are in distress and feeling negative about yourself. It’s hard to love the body at times. And yet, the words, to me, feel beautiful. How odd is that?

    I’m sorry you’re under stress and discombobulated. I don’t remember many of those keystroke codes myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s very very odd, you are so kind.
      It’s definitely hard to feel okay about your body when you are looking like santa but there’s a wedding to attend lol. I’m trying not to lose my mind.

      Discombobulated is such a cute word, this is first time i came across this, especially thanks for that 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “In that moment you could go on to work on a random farm just to distract yourself.

    Because you want to believe it’s temporary and it will pass.”

    This too is temporary and will pass. You do not need to go work on a farm for that. Just realize how you are feeling is temporary too. And hold on to that feeling of wishing it was temporary and will pass – because it will.

    Stay strong girl. You always are.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You let it all out with exuberance, the mundane and the exceptional. I remember similar days in my youth, the overabundance of food and tragedy, all I wanted was to get away. But at that time family still mattered. Now looking back, the memory of tragedy has been transformed into comedy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t write untill words start to burst out of my heart, hence the exuberance. Never took this place for granted.
      I think family is one chain that stops us from going all crazy most times. My life would have been 100 times crazier if i didn’t have my family. Idk if it would be good or bad.
      I hope over the time memories of tragedy fade into comedy for us too.

      Liked by 1 person

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