Avalanche of words!

hey,

How are you all?

I’m dying.

I just figured life is all about stressing over how to make money and then stressing over what to do with it.

Sounds like fight club, but Taylor Durden wasn’t real. Always remember that!

Project mayhem in real life lands you in jail.

Btw I just started reading fight club (big fan of the movie), and I realized I was reading in Edward Norton’s voice.

And why the hell he is so underrated?

Well.

Back to dying.

My eyes are going to melt out.

I had this one month to work on a few things and completed at least one of them. I’m working on digital products that I could sell because job market..well..we all know.

But then suddenly an entirely new thing was dumped on me and i don’t regret it as i might end up earning something.

But it has been keeping me up on a psychotic level.

Melatonin failed me.

I went for another medicine that i take as last resort because I just couldn’t sleep. I was getting owl-eyes coz I was afraid to blink because what if I sleep for 2 seconds and miss majorly on crucial life events.

Like..wtf!

I can’t even find my blinds, one morning I forgot to take them off complete and they were resting on my forehead, now it’s been 2 days to that already and I can’t find it.

This new thing needed tons of research so I have been glued to my laptop for idk how many days. Maybe a week.

One time, it suddenly decided to take a break and restarted on it’s own… when I was typing something. Imagine the horror!

Again no regrets.

Days like these are the reason i have whatever i have.

Sleepless nights, snacks for meals and me morphing into a zombie. I don’t mind it as all as i get something in the end, even if it’s exposure and learning something new.

Times are changing too fast and you don’t want to miss out.

And you get a little impulsive and desperate when you don’t have regular stream of income.

I jump on a new thing and then figure out everything along the way.

Shit gets complicated when you are citizen of one country, resident of another and your transactions are done with entirely different region.

You have no effing clue how many hurdles i have to cross every week just to keep things running.

I never got to touch and hold my own book because kdp doesn’t even cater to these regions. I could never even review the hard copies.

Getting my royalties was one separate battle.

There are places to invest that dont operate in my region.

For every little thing, its always months of sleepless anxiety-riddled nights. Because I have to find a way around all the limitations.

Right now I feel half dead. Make that 75% dead.

With fasting month nearing its end, and Eid approaching, there’s insanely amount of stuff to deal with, and insanely low energy levels.

One time I felt I have too much shivering, I checked my bp and it was 27/114, I called my brother and he told me I wouldn’t be alive and calling him if that was true. Turned out my bp operator had a glitch. Check again it was still very low.

I can’t remember one proper meal in days.

Not that I don’t have food. I don’t have time and idk how to explain this, I have so much on my mind that I feel like I can’t gulp down food sometimes.

I hope all of this pays in the end.

I’m literally running on Adeline these days, in crazy overdrive. I think constant shivering is because of that too. Idk. I would never know.

I have to go back to work now.

Just came here to talk.

And I really really really appreciate all of you. I’m sorry sometimes I read comments and then I think of what to reply and then I forget replying. And sometimes I? Think I will sit down and reply but then don’t get that chance.

I cherish you all, you are the most amazing people I have known in my life.

It’s just that, I have a million lists to take care of these days.

Ok time to go now.

Please take care of yourselves.

..

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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

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11 thoughts on “Avalanche of words!

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  1. That’s definitely an avalanche: I hope you feel lighter for the sharing. As mentioned already, self-care. Don’t get too spun up: the recovery from that is so tiring. ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The “creatives” most common experiences, weakened, disillusioned and feeling at loss at every level! The worst we can do under these circumstances is to fall victim to our impatience and push on stubbornly into a direction that has been proven to be futile.
    We are caged into our assumption of having no way out. Under these circumstances might it not better to do nothing and giving a chance for calmness to return? My heart goes out to you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. there’s always so much to take care of before i can let the calmness return, because if i go to rest, my whole to-do list will.
      Things are relatively smooth now. and I’m just aligning everything..
      Doing a lot better. dealing with some of the stuff and letting go the rest of it. adult life sucks tbh. but there’s no escape from it.

      Thanks for sharing your thought with me here. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Reading this lets me know that you are going through a very challenging time. Too bad that I can’t help much. I hope to give you mental support from my side. Hopefully, all the hurdles will be resolved and go away soon and you may see light at the end of the tunnel. Take a good rest and I wish to grant you mental strength. You have been an amazing friend❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Great! You can take the much needed good rest. Thanks for your friendship love. I will always cherish that and also your words which always ring true to me and give me comfort at heart. Thanks for always be our sunshine even when you are going through the darkest moments in life.❤ take care and stay safe.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am happy to know that you are doing great. Please keep in touch and I wish to read more about you. I will certainly take care and you should too. It’s so nice talking to you here:)❤

        Like

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