Hating this!

I hate life. It’s the only rollercoaster I hate.

One moment you think you and life is getting better .

You go through some fatally stressful shit and have all sorts of attacks and feel semi-dead

Then adrenaline kicks in and you go in insane overdrive, in this phase you are pretty much a pre-programed robot with no sense of reality and no emotional connection with your reality.

Part of you is fine with it. At least you are getting things done.

You start believing you are fine

But!

When did life get that kind??

Plop! And you drop dead with one bad news.

It takes one teeny tiny nano-trigger to shatter that dilution that was keeping you alive.

I envy people who don’t get anxiety. You people are blessed souls, you have no idea.

I don’t know what the fuck is happening, but I will be surprised if this whole situation ended without me and my sis completely losing it.

I really hope they allow blogging in asylum.

Or hell.

Because that’s where I see myself going right now, For just hating life the apparently is not that bad, but sucks at the moment. I should be allowed to hate life sometimes.

Actually, I won’t be able to get to sister’s wedding due to further flight restrictions. There was anger tears and chaos. And I feel like I’m very quickly heading to rock bottom.

Remember the lump that magically appears in our throat?? Yea it’s here.

And the invisible hammer that hit your he’d 20 times per second, that is here too.

I feel dead, I get up, I feel dead again.

I have to leave for Turkey in a few days. These 2 trips were planned back-to-back. I don’t feel like going but friends and family insist that this might at least divert my mind for some time. Please don’t judge me for this.

Tbh, “traveling helps with mental health”  doesn’t work for me.

I have intense melt-downs in hotel room.

Anxiety/depression travels with me, if I already have it. There’s no escape.

I actually made a video on it but it was so bad I deleted it.

Idk what’s happening, but whatever it is. I hate it.