It’s not them, it’s me..

If words has physical form it would be easier to see their impact when we toss them at each other.

Some words heal you like magic.

And some words destroy you like calamity.

I’m going through an extremely sensitive and volatile phase of my life and thank God I realize that it’s me who is boiling and brimming with too many conflicting feelings right now.

Few days back I talked to my old friend who also used to be my colleague, and every word this girl said gave me power.

After that call I was ready to conquer the world.

Then I have friends who talked about pros and cons both so that I don’t make a wrong decision.

Even though they are saying everything right. I sometimes end up feeling confused and agitating because they are not speaking my language.

They are telling me what I need to hear, not what I would love to hear.

Then there are friends/family who unintentionally try to force their suggestion because of their own harsh experiences. They don’t want me to feel bad in any way. They are really scared because of their own sufferings.

I don’t know what to feel when all of these people want the best for me, but their words end up making me feel worse because I am cooking a volcano in my core.

It’s natural to not like what we don’t want to hear in a moment where we are already feeling weak.

But I try to breathe now.

I try to give myself some.time and breathe and tell myself all these people really care about me, it partly helps. I’m not a robot, I can’t program myself. But at this prevents my wrath to unleash on them, the people who are trying their best to be there for me.

It’s a sad and confusing position to be in.

I try to not bring such subject into conversation, since I don’t want to ignore anyone, I need them and it’s just not right. But it doesn’t work, conversation leads itself to that point.

What would you do in such a situation?

..

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16 thoughts on “It’s not them, it’s me..

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  1. sorry your feeling so bad at the moment, hun! I think your doing the right thing giving yourself time to breathe! Breathing is so grounding, and its all we’ve got sometimes, hugs xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Are you sure some “family/friends” actually do want the best for you? In my experience, people only care about themselves. In the end, they try their best to “support” when I’ve been depressed, suicidal, enraged, etc but really, they’re only weighing in because if they didn’t they’d feel bad about themselves for not “helping”. The vast majority of people, like 99%, don’t give a crap about anyone else but themselves. So? So then, you don’t really go to other people for your needs. Maybe you might casually get some feedback or ideas, but really, you find your strength within. We all have to die alone. I’ve decided to get a head start on dealing with eternity alone instead of asking people who are too wrapped up in their own problems to try to give me advice that isn’t tainted by their own desires and aversions. And how to find your strength within? Well, it’s taken me years, lots of meditation, lots of focus on what makes me feel good/what I truly enjoy, and lots of ignoring what everyone else in the world thinks I should do. Sorry, probably not the answer you wanted. The truth is that life is mostly suffering until you find that inner strength and peace. And once you find that, life is like a miraculous play and you’re the main actor. Blessings and Love!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. no. this is definitely the answer i wanted!
      for some people they definitely at that point where don’t want to deal with guilt of not helping me. and I’m surprised they got there at all because i lost hope long ago.
      your words are so empowering i can’t thank you enough for this comment. i know i can handle things, i know i am right, i know i have thought this through a million times but idk why when i get anxious and i feel like talking to somebody and then this happens…

      I have waiting to take this decision for years and now when it’s time i feel like i don’t have strenght, even know i do have it. i need to convince myself more rather than giving everyone this opportunity to confuse me.

      Thanks a lot for this comment!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You definitely got this! I can year it in your choice of words. It’s just that part of your mind hasn’t decided whether is wants to let go of the pain & suffering yet that is still holding on and making you feel as if you “need” someone or something else. I have that too. I’ve learned to ignore it. 🙂 I love your posts BTW!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. When family members and friends offer advice, it can be helpful. However, if different people are giving you conflicting advice, you may want to meditate on which advice feels right to you. People can have good intentions with their advice, but that advice can be what would be good for them. And might not be as good for you. Sometimes, it helps to ask a family member or friend to just listen to you. Not to offer advice. That way, you can talk out your situation and your feelings on it. Or you could write down those thoughts. That talking or writing can help organize all those thoughts. Then meditate on what you talked about or wrote. Make a list of pros and cons if that helps. I think focusing on your thoughts might be what’s needed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. actually i think i want them to just list4en at this point. i know what i want and have made the decision but i just want them to listen as i go through this process. but they do end up saying something.
      writing is the best thing ever. that’s why i came here and wrote what was going through my head and heart and i sort of knew people here will help me sort it out. like you just did 🙂
      i have a list of pro cons to, i just remember.

      yea i need to focus and organize.

      thank you so much for your wise words my mind was a tangled mess 🙂 thanks a lot

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I believe sometimes we need some time to be alone to clear our mind and see ourselves clearer. It’s normal that I need a break from some social time. You may tell them that you need some me-time if you feel comfortable. If not, it is also fine. You just focus on yourself and sort things out. When you feel better and ready, you can still go back to them if you want. You are a very sensible woman who cares about people’s feelings and thoughts. Besides, you are sensible and tough, strong. Keep it going. Time heals!❤ I did feel like that too.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. whenever i try to take a break rom people it gets scary for me. i get all sort of anxiety and start to get feeling of abandonment. i do make my list shorter sometimes and try to communicate more with people who actually understand me. that works for me.
      i’m trying not to get too demoralized and give up.
      thanks for kind and supportive words 🙂🖤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I did the similar thing! I shorten my list when I realise that I am too rigid with my life.

        And I feel a bit anxious and abandoned when making a leave for some personal time to clear my mind. But when I look back, it always makes sense why I need to take that decision.

        Yes, communicating with people who understand is soooo important and helpful. That’s something very valuable in life.

        You are most welcome⭐

        Take care:) One baby step at a time❤ You are progressing great💪

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m trying to filter negative thoughts and people to have some clarity.
        Going hrough too many emotions right now but i have incredible support and i think i will make it to the other side eventually.
        You too 🙂
        And thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

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