Negative Thoughts

How do you guys deal with negative thought related to people close to you?

At this point in life I really need to focus on myself and things that need to be taken care of, but all i’m thinking about is people who were related to me in an unavoidable capacity and how they just fucked my life.

I can’t stop thinking how they have got the whole universe going in there favour and my life is a constant battlefield. Have always been!

I have raging anger and hate in me and it’s consuming all of my energy.

It took me a few days to realize why I’m this tired all the time.

Anger literally drains life out of you.

And then I’m feeling guilty and crying for feeling this way.

I don’t know where to go with all of this. I tried to share it with family, and ended up being judged.

All of this is so wrong on every level. Everyone has moved on and enjoying their lives.

And I’m here crying in a corner thinking “whatever happened to me could happen to them too, then why ME? this has just made them 100 times more insensitive and they make me feel like i deserved all the shit i have to deal with”

I shouldn’t be feeling all of this but I can’t help myself.

what to do with this bitterness. How do I deal with this?

It’s such a bitter feeling.

I might sound like a spiteful jealous psychopath but I really needed to let it out.

42 thoughts on “Negative Thoughts

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  1. For me, it’s my mother. We haven’t spoken since June. That’s the only way I know how to deal with her bullshit. Block, ignore, ignore some more. Her birthday is in two days. I gamble all the time with these little spiteful games.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been where you are and am only just on the other end of it. I literally just barely made it out of that dark night alive. Out of this experience the Universe has revealed some profound truths that might help you begin to see your personal situation more clearly. One thing I’ve realized is that I am not the thoughts in my mind. You, beautiful human being, are not your thoughts. In fact, the thoughts in your mind are merely programming created by your past experiences.

    Try to see the psyche as a kind of computer program. Your mind and intellect and ego are programs that require inputs. Unfortunately, you and I got some crappy inputs over the course of our lives in the form of abuse, neglect, manipulation, exploitation …the list can go on, but you get my point. At some point, if you get enough crappy programming, you will begin to self-destruct. This is a good thing though, because it forces you to stop distracting yourself with whatever your addictions are (doesn’t matter what they are, we all have them) and look for real help.

    The real help that eventually comes to all of us with time, and the help that came to me that saved my life when nothing else could, is the realization that I am the conscious awareness of this experience. I am only observing everything that’s happening around me, including the thoughts in the mind that keep playing over and over. The thoughts that torture me with memories of when I was beaten by my father, gang raped, treated with disdain and disrespect by coworkers and those in authority, and even thoughts of so-called friends who have betrayed me. These thoughts, along with the thoughts of self- loathing, telling me I was worthless and should kill myself were constant. Therapists, others in group therapy and my family and friends all treated me with intolerance and mockery. I finally transcended all of this because I simply decided no matter how much the mind told me these negative thoughts, I didn’t have to listen to them or act on them. They were not real to me anymore. I decided that they were actually robbing me of a truly happy and peaceful existence in the present moment. Once I made this decision, the thoughts lost their power over me. I didn’t identify with them anymore. They were more like an annoying commercial jingle. Yeah, I still have depressed moments. But over the course of about a year, the negative thoughts have come less and less. They have been replaced by thoughts that serve me better.

    You, beautiful human being, will come to this realization as well. I believe people come into our lives for a reason. Through my meditative journaling practice, many beautiful insights have come to me. If you haven’t tried meditative journaling, I recommend it for someone like you who is a deep thinker and likes to write. This is one of the poems that came from my practice. I think the message could be helpful to you in your situation as well. And just a side-note if you’re interested, this poem is part of a new collection I just published on Amazon called Crowning The Self in the Time of Corona. Not trying to sell you anything 🙂 I really do think this poem speaks to your problem.

    Peace, Love and Blessings!
    Please keep writing and breathing and smiling and seeing!

    the mind collects moments

    Confusion.
    Then, words come slowly;
    nothing behind them but space.

    The mind collects moments
    bad ones and weepy ones
    moments to spark fires
    and ignite engines
    moments to roast the heart upon a spit
    to watch the bloody sizzling juices of love
    drip down and burn off into smoke
    the mind is a storehouse
    though vast isn’t spacious
    its compartments crammed
    full to popping
    under the strain
    of all the moments in time it collects
    to make the body recall
    and you gawk at the wreckage
    in wondrous amazement

    moments in bubbles
    floating past on repeat
    mind digs in the toy chest
    throwing up dreams
    more moments of nothing
    to hold you away from me
    two nations at war for my soul
    and all three are me
    what mind fudgery
    and horrific intent
    the whole point is you
    just you, nothing else
    think what that reality means
    whatever you like
    life isn’t a playbook of rules
    some other person can write
    real life is lived
    and what can that mean?
    other than whatever life looks like
    when you’re living through me

    each time you can’t see the forest in the leaves
    the moments you seem to pull back out of me
    are only a specter of what isn’t true
    only a reminder to remember your Truth
    and turn once again to the Self that is real
    and is one with the whole of all life that is living
    can you gain joy from rehearsing old stories?
    of worries and woes and doubtful discoveries
    of fake images and faulty dreamscapes
    then go on, by all means, let mind keep collecting
    and storing away
    for some other fake day
    you can’t really be living
    if you keep letting mind
    give you moments to see
    instead of real life
    living in your True Self
    and you truly seeing

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “I am not the thoughts in my mind” i need to keep reminding myself this!

      i have read your comment multiple times because i always find something i can relate to. the powm is beauitul and yes it does speak to me.
      You should be really proud of yourself for surviving all of that and defeating your negative thoughts.
      I’m proud of you!

      Thanks for this comment. it’s really helpful ❤️

      Like

  3. I’m trying to learn how to give space for negative thoughts. That’s to feel them and acknowledge them. But try not to give them a lot of space, which leads to them taking over. After I acknowledge them, I try to remember things that I’m thankful for. This helps form a balance, where negative thoughts have to share with positivity. Maybe keeping a list of positive things could help you. 🌞

    Liked by 1 person

    1. this! right here! is the best therapy session i could find right now. Thanks alot Dave!
      i’m also realizing my problem is that i’m reacting to these thoughts now because i don’t know whast to do with them. i can ognore or deny them, it’s something bad that happened to me.
      that would be invalidating myself. i need to give them a little space.

      thanks for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You need periods of calm to improve

    You can get lost in the complexity of all of it and if triggered parts of our cognitive acumen is offline

    I could not heal,with my family messing with me,

    You have to get past the guilt

    You owe them nothing

    They earn your respect with respectful behavior

    If someone’s an asshole to you, cut them out for six months then revisit it

    Each time they trigger you the stronger it gets

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You have hit a nerve with ptsd and family

        Suggestion. Why not start a four month period of doing without them

        Another great way to counter the gaslighting and negativity is to smile and say thank you for that opinion

        Do not let them see a reaction

        They are wanting to upset and harass you

        It’s not your issue it’s theirs

        Walk away and smile and say thank,you

        It will piss them off

        Other than that keep your distance

        And never share with these people

        Do not give them ammunition

        These are hard boundaries we all need

        We have a right to wellbeing that overrides their negative shit

        Everyday in every way

        Everytime they say something turn around and find someone to be kind too a little later

        Release release release

        Something small

        It’s like yelling fire in a crowded theater

        They have no right to attack you

        Like

      2. Share? Lol
        They don’t have time for me. Ever.

        Yea i did react this time and then the whole family turned thier backs on me.

        I need to control myself there. Even tho tjis happened after years. But people don’t see thier actions but would love to judge your reaction.

        I’m reading again and again and again and memorizing your suggestions. It’s hard to be alone in a situation like this.

        Thanks for being here.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. My family there were five against me

        They denied everything

        I had to ask my therapist if I was really abused

        You question yourself

        I hung up on my mother and the next time I talked to her was a decade later

        My family denies my father abuse

        Now I was oldest with a sister four years younger

        Then a decade break with three more kids

        They were not born or to young to know

        But they deny my reality

        Family is a bitch bro

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I only have this one sibling thats so fking good at manipulation that she can twist anything in her favour. And rest of the people almost worship her.

        Idk what pleasure she got from fking my life over again and again.

        And any emotional abuse i got from my family is not denied but they say “what can we do?”
        Same when i was struggling with other things in life. I stood up for them even wher ei made myself look bad. But they are just not there ever.

        I dont think they even realize this is wrong and hurtful.

        It took me suffering of 9 years for them to start to see that i was going through something. Even then they never did anything to help me.

        Well. Thanks for your kindness and support. All of you guys have no idea how badly i needed this i have been holding back for days.

        Thanks alot!

        And contrary to popular believe im not a bro lol

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I hold family members to a higher standard than a stranger

        Let them earn your trust or bust them loose like you would a friend or stranger

        It’s your wellbeing

        They do not care about your wellbeing

        See reality

        Step back ad watch them without judgment emotion or reaction

        Let their words stand alone

        They win when we react
        Respond

        Never let them see you in distress or weak

        Do not give them the satisfaction

        This is a PTSD war

        Protect yourself
        Develop armor

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Thats exactly what i need to do i think. No matter how hard i try i keep on complaining to msyelf “i was there for them and they are never there for me”

        I need to watch them from a distance. And they just look busy with thier own shit.
        Maybe i need to accept thry will never be there for me. That might make it a little easier.

        Thanks A LOT!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I learned not to give into my family members’ manipulations. A few months ago, I needed some quiet time, and I told my family member this. She got angry, took it personally, and ranted against me to another family member. It was like some Shakespearean drama in which I was supposed to star the villainess simply because I had asked for some space. Of course, the other family member was the victim because I expressed my need for my own time alone.
    How did I get through this drama that has dragged on in various degrees for nearly fifty years?
    I exited the stage and refused to play the role I had been assigned-that of doormat.
    I read a lot of Shakespeare. I read a lot of comedies. I spend a lot of time just taking care of myself.
    I like to watch comedies.
    Carve out time for yourself, guilt free.
    And trust me, those who have abused you do not feel the least regret or shame; they will never own up to their wrongdoing.
    Be the best version of yourself. Do not let someone rent space in your head. Do not let them win. If you have to, cut off the relationship. I had to with several people in my life.
    This life is short and it is not a dress rehearsal.
    You are perfect just like God made you. Trust him above all else.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I feel like crying. Well i have been doing that for few days now. The character they assigned me is definitely of a villian who can conviniently be blames for everything wrong, but can be used whenever they want, and still can be totally ignored. And never acknowledged or validated.

      It’s a shitty character. The one everyonr just hates because how miserable it looks.

      I need to exit thier stories because certaibly they all got what they wanted from me and now I’m an unwanted extra.

      Sad part is, they don’t even realize what they are doing is wrong.

      You are absolutely right with every word.
      I just feel so weak and demoralized.

      I can’t just lift myself up.

      Like

      1. It occurred to me that my family members knew exactly what they were doing. They knew they could always depend on me because I wouldn’t complain. I just wanted to love them and help them, but when I lost my usefulness, they ignored me. When I stood up and said enough, they turned on me. All I wanted was some space. They knew they were draining my energy. Truth is they didn’t care.
        I think your family knows they are doing wrong; they just don’t care.
        You can lift yourself up; don’t let them win. Don’t let them defeat you.
        Write your own story; create your own stage and people it with a cast of characters who support you.
        The old saying is that family is everything. I disagree with that old statement. Our individual sanity is everything. That doesn’t mean we should be selfish, of course, but we have the God-giving right to be happy and at peace with ourselves.
        Please know that you can lift yourself up. Pray to God for courage and strength to move forward.
        Truth is, you probably need to actually, physically put distance between yourself and your family.
        It’s not that you don’t love them; it’s that you are worthy of love. God loves you and created you. You shouldn’t have to live in situations where you feel demoralized.
        I guess I’ve said a great deal. I just can relate to that despair where I felt that I was trapped, and I looked around and nobody reached out to help me. Only God helped me. My family certainly did not.
        Listen, I will keep you in my prayers.
        Don’t give up; find your strength in God. You can move forward.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 😢 thank you for all the prayers love and support i loterally tear up with every comment. In my case its just one family member who manipulates everyone the rest really arent at fault but they never acknowledge the truth either

        But you are wrote i need to write my story and give roles to people i want. I really want to hug you right now.
        I already live separately from them but i will see them soon. But i really need to draw a solid boundary around my mind and my heart and nobody should be allowed inside that.

        Thanks. You have no idea how badly i needed support right now. Thank you xx

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Your greatest gift is to be “here” in this blogging space, reaching out to those who also need to be heard. More often then I think you will ever know is…you are their voice. THEY need you. I know you don’t want to hear that while you are hurting. Just. stay. with. us. I promised before and will promise again…I will love you through this. Every. time.

    The way I deal with “stuff” depends on who it is. When someone close to me emotionally hurt one of my kids, the mama bear (thats me) came after them. Very uncharacteristic, and necessary at that time. Sometimes honesty.

    Normally I go on in life. surround myself with what is good in my life. There isn’t room for negativity in my life. It is much too short.

    In case you missed it…I will love you through this. Donna

    Liked by 1 person

    1. okay now you are making me cry. i always felt i came here to help others and i’m the one who constantly needs help.

      i try to overoccupy myself and that can be exhaustin too. but sometimes negativity just seeps in through walls. feeling better now.

      thanks a lot for love and support. and love you too ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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