For last month I have travelled a few phases of humanness.
Phase 1, where I was just happy and relieved, enjoying my Zen.
Phase 2 where I was bored.
Phase 3: I was panicking, OMG I’m wasting my time every second! My whole entire life!
Throughout all of these I felt helpless about a few things that will only be sorted with time and there’s nothing I could do about them. It’s like a constant complementary phase. A support department of Chaos Inc.
Phase 3 ended yesterday and I sprang up and made quick plans to be productive.
Editing my second book was on the top of the list.
Then art. I even chose I portrait for reference. And decided on the style I wanted to try.
Suddenly my laptop’s screen died on me yesterday. Without any warning.
It took me a whole day to figure out its flexgate issue that certain macbook models have.
I can still see if I open the top till 40%. Then it goes blank just like my mind does as first reaction to literally every situation.
Because wallet is thin. And I already have a long list of expenses to take care of and I can’t even do anything online until I get my accounts and stuff sorted.
I wasn’t stressed. I was disappointed and defeated. Here I’m trying to start my new life and I already see problems. Expenses before income.
Then I went to check on the seeds I have been trying to germinate. I batch of basil seeds was total failure. I have tried with a second batch with paper towel technique.
And I wanted to grow mint. Store bought can never ever replace fresh home grown herbs but with first basil seeds failing I didn’t have high hopes … just like about anything at this moment.
When I check the pot with mint seeds… I saw this little baby.
And life felt a wee bit better.
Sometime I feel like i have no control on anything. But in retrospect, had I let all the ends lose and handed over them to the circumstances alone, my whole life would have been a catastrophe.
Every moment would be stuck in unsalvageable ball of knots.
You always lose something here and there along the way.
Disappointments and failures are natural when you are actually doing something with your life.
Whatever it is, the thing with feathers or wings or rays or leaves…
Hope is what gives you that little push you need to start running again.
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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.