34!

I have written too many versions of this post but wasn’t satisfied enough to post them.

So, let me try once again.

Last month 29th oct was my birthday, I turned 34.

WhatsApp Image 2021-11-18 at 1.19.32 AM

Last decade have been INSANE! When I look around and see people having relatively normal lives I feel like I’m on the wrong planet. That’s why I don’t have personal social media presence especially on Facebook.

I completed my professional education, landed an ideal job then suddenly HAD to quit it. Something that never stops hurting.

I got married because I HAD to and then got divorced. A can of worms that I set on fire and don’t look back.

When I was still in 20s my immune system suddenly decided to attack me and for next 5 years I was battling illness and side-effects of treatment simultaneously. Prednisone, immunosuppressants, radio-therapy, surgery… then dislocated eye and inflated body.

I lost my mom to cancer and my grandpa. My grandpa was my closest person. They both left same year.

All of this sounds like a jinxed life but I refuse to call it that.

I can’t let events, good or bad to define me or my life.

What I did to get through all of that, constructed whatever I am today. And that keep evolving.

Once you decide this unfortunate event is not going to stop me, you start to explore different ways to continue and sometimes they are better than traditional path.

I explored my writing and art and tried different jobs.

I started taking my health seriously and constantly work on having a healthier lifestyle.

Nothing taught me self-worth more than my divorce. 

And losses… nothing can fix grief, but I got unbelievable support from places I never imagined.

Today, my mental health is better than it was before all of that, because now I know myself better.

Moved homes, moved countries. I never had the confidence I have today.

It still hurts when I think I have lost my most productive years to tragic events beyond my control. On typical standard checklist, I’m a loser, more of a disaster.

But it’s me who knows my journey and who lived it, and I’m this psychopath who doesn’t stop dreaming and doesn’t give up on her dreams.

I had this epiphany last night. I have to look at myself as something whole, carved in one piece and not a jigsaw puzzle that needs hundreds of pieces to be complete.

People and events are not part of the person I am.

I am a complete person!

In the end I will share some quotes I love:

“I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.”― Kahlil Gibran.

The dream of my life is to lie down by a slow river and stare at the light in the trees – to learn something by being nothing.— Mary Oliver

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”― Paul Coelho

Have a great day 🙂

..

Copyright © 2021 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

You can find my poetry collection here=>  ss ebook 2020 small

44 thoughts on “34!

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  1. Happy 34th! You are a beautiful soul and perfect just the way God created you. I just turned 60 years old and I can assure you that I have become more comfortable with who I am by just being who I am (not strive for perfection, but rather accept myself as a work in progress). I have learned to be still and just simply enjoy each moment because this life is so fragile. Be kind to yourself. Love who you are. Never settle for less than your own dreams. Again, Happy Birthday. . .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. this comment is perfect, it should be written on a wall or something.
      i also feel that i have gotten alot more comfortable with myself with age and that’s something i really needed.
      thanks for your kind yet very powerful words 🙂

      Like

  2. Life throws unexpected curveballs at us. We cope the best we can and I think it is through these challenges that we rise in life. A belated happy birthday to you! You’re a strong woman!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ok… this is my favorite post of yours EVER. I loved seeing your smiling eyes. It’s always in the eyes. And love hearing you come to terms with stuff, knowing it’s Ok to have ups and downs and all arounds.

    And I would just like to add (because I am older and wiser🤣) You only THINK you lost your most productive years. I think your next chapter is going to be fun to watch.

    I’m so glad to have watched you through this journey. And had some late night conversations across the Flane a few years ago. As hard as it was, you are amazing. I have always believed that. You kind of motivate me to step it up and share more of my life.

    We shall see…. Donna

    Liked by 1 person

    1. remember when i turned 30 here?? lol. i was actually scared back then like omg I’m getting old and now it’s just passing numbers.

      comming to terms with was never easy and sometimes i still just flip out but then i have to move on. At least i’m honest to myself and i have friends who keep on reminding me it’s ok to have emotions.

      i believe that too. i told a friend once “i’ll be hottie in 40, watch me” lol. i know things will get better from here. God can’t keep on testing me forever.

      I’m glad to know i had some positive impact. that means a lot to me. it’s never easy to share about your life but I did so to show life is not always picture perfect.

      thanks for being here 😊

      Like

      1. hahah. I do remember when you turned thirty, I sent you a note then too. A hottie? Hmm. That is going to be a fun chapter. Promise me you won’t be doing the kissy lips, or tongue out selfies. Just enjoy your hottiness with grace and wisdom, the one we love. Donna

        Your welcome. PS. Remember when I said you reminded me a bit of my daughter? You share a birthday. Send chills down my spine. She’s a few years older then you though. lol

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy belated birthday, sister. You looks great! Nice story here. I particularly like this quote of yours: What I did to get through all of that, constructed whatever I am today. And that keep evolving. Very inspirational to me in more than one way:) I feel it’s nice to be comfy under your own skin.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Happy Belated Birthday! My most productive years were my fifties. My best year was the year I turned 59 (although I thought I was 48 but that is another story.) I think it is amazing that you have discovered your strength and wisdom at such a young age! 💞

    Liked by 1 person

    1. somebody told me the same thing when i turned 30, their best years were 50s, now I’m looking forward to these magic 50s too.

      I’m definitely better than my 20s so I’m guessing it does get better with age.

      i think i just had to grow up and be the wiser one in every situation from a younger age, and i don’t regret it one bit.

      Thank you so much 🙂

      Like

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