Almost Out of the Spiral

Hello people of wordpress!

Please take some time to read this post. It’s important.

Last 10 to 15 days have been horrible. I have been on a constant downwards spiral until yesterday maybe, when I started feeling that it was fading out gradually.

I thought maybe if I try to break down the whole thing, it could end up helping someone.

What happened?

My whole family fell sick, starting with dad. We all probably had covid. So we isolated. So it was 3 sick people living under 1 roof.

Then something got triggered in me and I had feeling of overwhelming despair for days without being able to spot the reason. 

When it gets to a point where it starts to cause physical symptoms, in my case shoulder pain, I know this thing is real!

Then I had lost appetite because I had a bitter taste and I was nauseous all the time. That means, no nutritions and low energy levels.

The loss of my friend was hitting me in waves. This is something I used to tell her, grief hits you in waves. And now this was happening to me and it was her loss. Life is eternal loop of sadness at times.

Then this transition. Since I am starting over, my whole life is in a foggy transit. I am very close to the point where my documentation will complete and then I have to start running in the rat race of life. A constant pursuit of “success”(focus on the quotes). The idea was scaring me and overwhelming me. And that lead to fear of failure.

A blog friend here suggested I could be having all of this because of mourning + post 2020 uncertainties. I completely agree.

All of this combined left me crying in bed most of the times for no reason. Actually there were reasons but during that whole time I couldn’t accept them.

What I tried to help myself.

I am one of those people who don’t normally shut themselves. I reach out and keep reaching out.

My close friends were first to be informed about what I was going through.

Then my family.

Unfortunately all of my close friends were extremely busy last week but they still keep trying to be there for me.

Family, especially my siblings were incredibly supportive.

This is what happens where you are successful in reducing the stigma around mental health in people around you. They are in better position to understand you and help you.

So they made sure they were giving me maximum time, staying on call, talking to me, understanding me. Validating me.

My brother once said, “it’s like what we have during exams, stress feels like a passing storm and it eventually goes away. There isn’t much we can do except wait for it to pass without much resistance.” That made sense.

I would read my conversations with C. I was missing her horribly. She made a huge part of my day and I needed her voice, she knew how to help me. I would literally search subject vise and read what she would say. I needed her badly. That reminded me C used to maintain a gratitude journal.

I called a friend of mine who is one of the most positive people I know. And she told me, “do not do negative self-talk! It sinks and settles in your system.” She reminded me of positive affirmations.

So, I downloaded a mood tracking app (didn’t help), a gratitude journal app and a daily affirmations app.

I listened to poetry and music.

Gave some charity.

I wrote.

I got books to read but I couldn’t.

I started an artwork but couldn’t complete it. 

Also listened to podcast, “help me be me”. C would highly recommend it.

Resorted to support groups on Reddit and Discord. Didn’t work for me.

What worked.

To be honest, I don’t know.

It feels like a storm or tornado, a natural calamity that will only be over in its due course.

Keeping people close, who knew how to handle the situation, was probably the biggest help.

Isolation can be terrifying.

Mental health awareness in my circle was a huge blessing. If someone said “get out of bed and stop being sad, I would break”

Every little effort helped, but I had to tell myself 

“it’s ok if I can’t keep up” 

“its ok to lag behind at times”

“it’s ok to not finish an artwork when you are feeling sick.”

Being kind to myself, and letting me rest and recover was difficult but it was the most important thing.

By letting things be for a while, and giving people who couldn’t be there a benefit of doubt, I did myself a huge favour.

I had to repeat. I don’t owe anything to anyone and nobody owes me anything. And if they are still there, I am lucky to have this incredible support.

Gratitude journal and daily affirmation were great help even though I got into it just 2 3 days back but I can feel the difference, maybe I will start a series here.

Praying helped.

And people praying for me helped too.

This blog helped. I could come here and talk about myself and you amazing people were so kind as always. I am just lucky in too many ways.

Conclusion

Sometimes, there isn’t much you can do to help yourself. But never isolate yourself emotionally under any circumstances. Keep reaching out to people you think can help you. 

And be kind to yourself. In times like this, it’s a good approach to think of yourself as a friend. What would you want your friend to do? Apply that to yourself.

I’m glad I’m almost out of the spiral. Almost.

And I’m grateful for the support I have everywhere and my own ability to survive.

Thanks for reading. Have a good day 🙂

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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

You can find my poetry collection here=>  ss ebook 2020 small

25 thoughts on “Almost Out of the Spiral

Add yours

  1. Im glad you are venturing back too. I loved your brothers quote. There is wisdom there, and like the rest of your “village” he gets it. I hope your family is beginning to feel better in their illness too.

    I am here. You are loved.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As with all lives experiences, the glorious and the terrifying, we must completely immerse ourselves into it, they have their purpose! Such ordeals will bring us closer to ourselves, providing us with the insights that will give us the necessary strength to fight on and heal. Pain avoidance or those self-help bands aid provides only temporary relief but no solutions.
    As I went through purgatory many times, at first trying to escape as fast as I could, but being called back repeatedly, I began to understand, the longer I endured the deeper was the cleansing process.

    Liked by 1 person

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