If I say I have been struggling the last few days or weeks you all are going to be like…OMG there she goes again…
But this time it wasn’t a mental struggle it was more of physical strain.
Normal people eat meals. I graze all day!
Everybody around me knows I can’t eat 1 big meal, my meals are spread over the whole day.
So fasting for me is a bit harder. Because I’m not a nice person when I’m hungry. And I feel a lot of negativity inside me (this is something I don’t tell everyone or they will judge me)
So, my mind has been wandering in dark valleys which develop some level of anger and hatred towards life, the injustice of life precisely.
I was looking into options for traveling and made a mental list of must-see places, but all of that brought negativity because I just can’t go anywhere right now, I have a million reasons. And that brought anger, now throw hunger into the equation. I was literally piling this mountain of loathing on my life, which was only crushing me.
Then today we broke our last fast and we were preparing for Eid tomorrow with my baby sis when something happened that change everything.
There’s thing family run business that makes pastels. Actually high quality pastels.
I have come across this name multiple times whenever I was looking into some good quality pastels.
Today, Terry Ludwig Patels liked my work on instagram!
I did a double-take. I just couldn’t believe my eyes. And then I started crying. I was just crying and crying and crying.
I don’t know what secret button this like pressed, my whole perspective changed.
There are these pastel makers I admire who liked my art, this is my personal little milestone.
Do I even need validation from the whole world?
I have done a lot of things that I did to cope, learn, or grow as a person a writer and as an artist. Only 1% of people in my life know about those. Because I wanted no invasion of my comfort zone and my creative space.
Then why should I measure myself on any pre-set scale.
My privacy was my choice. Maybe people would have considered me more successful if they knew about my book and all the rankings it has achieved so far or if they saw my artwork or read my blog.
But is their validation worth my peace?
My mind wandered and got lost in darkness. It’s normal, we are humans.
Now time to come back.
Doesn’t matter if I can’t travel for a few months or years. Right now my health, physical, mental, emotional well-being, my career and financial stability is more important.
And I don’t need to go anywhere for that.
I don’t have to be part of every race.
My timeline got distorted, doesn’t mean I was a loser.
I didn’t try to sell myself, doesn’t mean I was worthless.
Who knew 1 like would make such a big difference.
That’s the power of kindness and appreciation.
Be kind to each other and yourself.
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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.