Unnecessary rant.

I feel like im just going to have a horrible meltdown any moment.

Im working at client from hell these days… it is actual hell. Broken chairs, borken floor, ac and fans not working properly. You cant lean back your seat will fall over.

My back literally hurts.

My baby sis is having a baby and dealing with the while thing all alone. This hurts me the most i swear. I wish mom was here.

We can’t just be there because according to my  ery traditional father we just take a back seat and let her in laws lead the whole thing.

Nobody gives a shit about what my sis wants. I just cant…

And any words comming out of me are doing to be seen as comming out of a divorcee. So in family matters i better keep my mouth shut.

then my oldest sister doesnt know how not to make a situation worse. And she doesnt even realize what the shit she says. She has mortified my baby sister!

Im so fking frustrated right now!

Dad is trying hard to calm me, by showing anger himself.

How the fuck that’s supposed to work btw?

And this client omg ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I actually was happy about this assignment its good but the place… i haven’t seen a worse work environment. 2 people of our team just got up and left its just me and A2 now. Which sucks even more because he doesnt say a single word. If he opens his mouth to say something ones in a million light years, it’s always unnecessary criticism.

Like wth.

I called my cousin who was struggling and we have been talking regularly. Its helping me too. I realize i had alot more support than her she had to deal all alone with all her traumas. Now i am trying to be there for her.

Suggested her a few things to cope and she sounded willing to try.

I have been trying to reply C’s mom. Its a half written reply. Its always a difficult email. Takes an emotional toll. I miss her so badly. Why did she ever half to go…. she saved me life and then she just left.

I feel like eveything is hurting me right now. I literally cried one day at work and i didnt know where the rest room was so i was just crying on my desk… i mean, sometimes you are just so done…

I was having ideas for an artwork. I sort of laid it out. But i am quickly moving to crippled-by-anxiety point. Idk how will i do anything like that any sooner.

My shoulders feel so stiff and hurt. I randomly start sweating.

Even tho i know all of this is just anxiety of all the things that are happening right now.

I ran out of my melatonin and my dumass thought i will survive without one.

Will be ordering tomorow.

My energy is low because im too anxius and fidgety and angry and upset and whatnot.

I just want my sis and baby to be safe. Im actually good with babies i hope i get to take care of this one. Im really worried.

Idk its just too much happening at once and no sleep.

I know this will pass but will need some special kinda patience.

Rant over.

12 thoughts on “Unnecessary rant.

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  1. Take a deep breath, friend. Let the things you can’t control just go; the emotional toll it’s taking on you is too much. I know you’re worried about your sister and the baby, and I can imagine your worries. But from a cultural standpoint your dad is probably letting the in-laws lead. I just hope the in-laws are wise about the whole thing.
    Sending you big hugs and prayers!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know he said that because of culture shit. Sad, it’s always about satisfying everybodyโ€™s ego and never about the baby and the mother. And they werent wise about anything. Well..
      Sis will be comming to our place today since she is having really bad meltdowns.

      It’s gonna be fine.

      Thanks for the hugs and prayers ๐Ÿค—

      Like

  2. Hang in there! All things pass; right now you’re just in the thick of things. Just a suggestion: if you like to dance, find a favorite dance video on YouTube and dance. When I get really frustrated I listen to Latin salsa and just dance my heart out until I am exhausted. Check out the Cuban singer Celia Cruz. . . Sending you a big hug and prayers, as well. . .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Im literally the worst dancer i know! Im so bad i dont even try even if im alone. But i can do some workout, does that count?

      But idk from where I’m going to bring any energy in me. Just too busy and tired these days.

      Thanks again for hugs and prayers ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

      1. I find that any type of cardio increases my energy level and helps me to refocus my thoughts, especially walking in nature and focusing on the peaceful sounds of nature-birds singing, the warmth of the sun. . .
        You’re very welcome. Hugs and prayers always. Have a beautiful week. . .

        Like

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