The Price of Privacy…

I’m having a little bit of inner conflict since I resumed my journey in the corporate world.

Deep down I know the answer but I have that little fear of what if I am left out….

Let me explain.

I have been away from the public eye for the last 5 to 6 years at least. Sounds like a celebrity thing but if you are on Facebook with 250+ friends for me that’s a lot of socializing!

Quitting Facebook was one of the best decisions I ever made. But since almost everyone is there I lost contact with a lot of people. I don’t regret this part.

Now, when I tried to be active on LinkedIn… I have no connections. Because in these 5 6 years a lot of people forgot that I exist, or people I was actually in touch with weren’t working…idk.

I don’t know how people have hundreds of connections, I have only 20 something. Literally, at this point, I wouldn’t mind if any of you added me there. I’m still more comfortable with people from this side knowing about that side, than vice versa

Is this the price I have to pay for keeping my life private?

I still start getting anxious whenever I share about my writing, even though I don’t disclose anything. Like I just told A2 that I have published a book but I couldn’t share anything more and then I regretted sharing this too…

I have been most peaceful when I kept my emotions and opinions private and only shared them with you guys. I trust you all, you don’t judge me and you are kind. 

You are 2nd family to me. 

If I list everything I do on my LinkedIn my profile will definitely look better but am I ready for it?

My book is linked with my blog and on my blog, where I don’t want employers/colleagues intruding. 

Maybe I will never have to do it, my be I will gradually find more connections there without being too open about myself.

I can just be my crazy self here and I love it. This reminds me of that quote again

“I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.”

― Kahlil Gibran, The Madman

Hope I figure out what to say and how much to say. And how to not feel bad about being too social.

Hope I find that balance soon.

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23 thoughts on “The Price of Privacy…

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  1. It’s your call. But I have to admit, I lean to the very cautious side. My employer wanted me to set up a Linkedin profile – and I played dumb until I gathered my thoughts to explain without sounding paranoid that I do not want to be on any form of networking site. I was editing one of my books at work during my lunch break, and a sweet lady asked me what I was reading. After I mentioned it was something I had written, before I knew it there was a crowd of people wanting to see my book…and I decided that I did not want these new people who I barely know having access to my books or my blog.

    I am rather alarmed to be honest about how many of my new colleagues seem to be very active on social media…it is making me more reluctant to share anything of my personal life with them. I don’t want to be unfriendly with them, but the thought of them disrupting the bubble of safety and privacy that Jack and I enjoy is making me just keep my eyes glued to the screen and avoid taking lunch breaks with the same people. I need to keep them at arms length.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re thought process is alot like mine when it comes to this and it is so validating. Thank you!

      And you sound like in a smilar situation too. I made linkdin because it was important for job in Dubai. But i kept my profile very safe, only sharing what i was confortable with. I was emailing C’s mom during a break and realized it wasn’t the best thing to do.

      I dont want to give them access to my creative work/blog/book either.

      People have their whole lives on social media. Idk how they do it without being paranoid. A cousin was using it as a coping mechanism and told me “if i wasnt doing all of this i would have lost my mind” and i didnt know what to say.

      I find social media nauseating level of toxic. I mean it. Facebook literally makes me sick.

      I get along well with my colleages so far but i know for sure i dont want to open my whole life in front of them. I dont need to.

      I just need to learn not even giving them a hint, then they get curious. I will learn to navigate better in corporate world without letting it ruin my creativity and peace.

      I actually say this proudly “i avoid social media”

      Like

      1. I had written a post on a similar subject when I read your post….and I have so many thoughts on reading your comment.

        I sometimes wonder whether the direct opposite of being paranoid is being shameless. Most of us find our level between those two. Some of us due to bad experiences feel a lot safer nearer to the cautious/guarded/paranoid end of the spectrum. But what else can we do when we have been so badly bruised in the past? Whereas, perhaps those who are nearer to the carefree/gullible/shameless end of the spectrum cannot imagine the consequences of sharing personal things on social media than can be used by others to harm us.

        I was thinking also of this similar situation you and I are navigating of getting to know new colleagues. I have found that some of them are much lovelier than others, and part of me would perhaps feel inclined to share things about my personal life with them. But what unnerves me is that even the loveliest person might share what I share with others, including the people I know I do not want to share anything about my personal life with. Plus, their activity on social media is definitely making me extremely careful.

        This might sound a bit daft but one thing that has helped me is to write a list of things I can share that people could not use to find out more about me or Jack. I have also learnt the skill of “changing the subject” and “switching the spotlight onto someone else”. Sometimes, people just want to have a conversation and feel they are building a rapport with the newbie. They express what may seem a natural level of personal interest (which can seem pretty intimidating if you don’t want to share things about your personal life) so being prepared in advance with a list of safe things to share – random things like:
        – oh I love baking, but want to lose weight so I won’t eat what I bake. How about you? Do you prefer cooking or baking?
        – I am not green fingered but love nature, so if anyone wants help with their garden, I love to volunteer. Do you like gardening?
        – these are the movies I like…how about you?
        – these are the books I like…how about you? I wish I had more time to read fiction.
        etc etc…
        All safe subjects – easy to talk about, easy to make the other person smile, easy to make humorous, easy to turn it around and ask questions to give the other person chance to share themselves.

        I also have a list of subjects I absolutely will not be drawn out on, so learning to say something along the lines of, “Oh that is one area of my life where things have not always gone 100% smoothly. How about you? How do you deal with challenges? Do you find it easy to rake up past situations that caused you challenges? Do you have a trusted friend who you go to for advice? I find that things like that I only really want to talk about with my sister who makes sense of everything that is in a muddle in my mind.”

        All little ways to deflect too much personal interest and keep things sweet with others. Navigating the natural curiosity others have but maintaining your peace of mind and personal security is not always easy, but when you know there is a very very good reason for your caution, equipping yourself with strategies to deal with people who are just way too nosy is important.

        I have found everything you have mentioned has been reassuring to me too…xx

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      2. I would love to read that post. i will find it..

        hmm.. when i think of it i can find so many people on different spots on the spectrum. i would be somebody who would love to live in a cave if her all needs are met. My father was in Govt. so his words always were “stay low profile” in a way all of us siblings have little bit of that. no matter what we do we just try to stay low profile. over-sharing can have disastrous consequences and we withness that everyday.

        i keep a simple rule in my mind. if i share anything to one person i can be sure that this is going to spread in the whole office like wild fire. that’s how it works everywhere. so i’m causious when sharing even with the people i call friends at work.

        oh i need this list of safe subjects, i might just steal your list. i really need to work on it. my whole office knows half broken sotry about my life because there was too much moving and gaps and confusion. sometimes i don’t even feel like correcting them. i ask, does this make any difference on me or my position here.

        People here aren’t that nosey but they are deifinitely confused, expecially about my martial status and experience but at this point i don’t wanna even try clearing their confusions. they will get to know on thier own and they will get used to it.

        Thank a lot for sharing all these points with me i needed all of this 😊 xx

        Like

  2. Don’t worry F t you’ll either start getting more comfortable with your current situation or you’ll be more comfortable sharing more of yourself. Either way, it’ll take some time.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I quit Linkedin. I couldn’t see the point of it since I have a job I love. A weird thing happened, though, a man contacted me as if it were a dating site . . .creepy. He’d read my profile and said we had things in common. I told him that I am happily married for almost thirty years now. . .He never contacted me again. WordPress is the only social media I do because I feel that this is a safe space for me to promote my books. The way I look at it is that it is safer to have a few trusted contacts than it is to have hundreds that may or may not be trustworthy. I do have a Goodreads profile that connects to my books. Other than that, I just value privacy. Linkedin just seems like it it reveals too much personal information. . .Proceed to caution. . .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have social media presence ofr my book with my n.f.mirza. it’s safer.
      And the only social media i use with my full name is linkdin. I feel like a lot of us feels the same way when it comes to privacy and its comforting to know.

      Lol that’s very weird. Now i wonder the guy who was calling me for interview at startbucks was even an interview or not lol.

      Goodreads is good to have for writers i was over the moon when goodreads recognised me as author, been a reader for dont know how many years before that.

      Im definitely going to be more careful now. Will fix my profile more before adding more connection.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I would like to buy your poetry book. Could you provide a link? Is it on Kindle? My poetry book “Life at the End of the Rainbow” and my novel “Bully Another Day” is on Kindle, as well. Please let me know the link to your books. I would definitely be interested in reading your writing.
        Have a lovely week.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Of course, everything has its prize, especially the intent of speaking out, getting public, engaging socially and getting sucked into the mindless quack mire of social media. In contrast, most of us ‘creatives’ prefer to retreat into that cocoon of complete self emergence, however, we must not forget we are the spiritual messengers, it is our task to provide beauty and insights to those who have little choice, but to continue with their mundane drudgery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You word every situation so beautifully i feel like i just toss words here randomly.

      Social media literally makes me sick. My heart start too race and i feel nauseated. Gives me real anxiety. Maybe who have picture perfect life are comfortable sharing it. My life is a daily chaos.

      I agree with the thing with creatives. I feel to some extent we need to stay in our creative bubble and we feel this constant need to protect it. I would share beauty and inside to people outside the bubble but everytime i tried it people looked at me like im crazy.

      Liked by 1 person

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