Cracks on the plate…

Reporting live from the guest room… because I can’t deal with the baby anymore…just kidding.

But I need 1 full night’s sleep, as he is growing bigger his shrieks are getting louder. I swear my soul shivered last night.

Well.

You think you are dealing with the Everest on your plate bravely and sensibly until you realized it’s been secretly forming cracks in the bottom of the plate.

I have been more absent-minded than usual for the last few days. Ended up booking wrong rides for work and back, constantly forgetting things, and feeling like I’m failing to do anything right and on time (which isn’t true at all)

I was beyond exhausted and I needed one subtle push to fall apart.

Last weekend I drafted 3 posts so that I have content to post over the weekend and out of these my fav was the haircut one.

It wasn’t about me or a haircut, it was about how you navigate chaotic life and try to keep yourself sane. I wrote it in a way that revolved around a haircut because that’s where I got the idea for the post.

I posted it yesterday and went to sleep.

Thanks to my nephew’s corps-reviving shrieks, I woke up somewhere in the middle of the night. And checked my notifications on my phone, as we all do.

And there was a comment from my lovely blog friend “where’s the picture?”.

I checked and @#$@#$@#$… the picture wasn’t in the post.

I post my pictures in the text body, not on the featured image, and it was nowhere.

Since the whole text was about the cut, it was like sending a mail without an important attachment.

Even though I added it, reposted and went to sleep, but it had triggered me already.

Today morning I again ended up in a horrible ride/van/bus/fking devil transport…

By the time I got to work, I had tremors running from shoulders to hands.

Nothing particularly bad had happened. It was a million small task/duties/chores and errors I was making along the way, that overwhelmed me.

These mistakes didn’t harm anyone, they were too minor to even get noticed. But in my head, I was constantly hearing “you are making a lot of mistakes”

I also have constant guilt of not doing enough for my sis and the baby, even tho I try my best.

Even from work, I was juggling between work, ordering groceries and making lists of random admin issues at firm and even bigger to-do lists.

I sent messages to check the availability of my close friends because my shoulders and arms were hurting.

Idk why I ended up calling my cousin… yea that cousin.

And she was the best person to talk to at that point I guess.

I talked to her for 11 minutes and felt 11 hundred times better. Because she understood…

Moments after that, suddenly truckload of work fell on my desk. Then I was in work, meetings, those admin issues etc etc.

Work and call with cousin saved me. I was able to remind myself, that people who read my blog are here for the writing, even if there was no image before I’m pretty sure you all have imagined the situation perfectly, maybe better.

I can’t control the condition of the rides. I took a cab back home today to give myself a change, also because of fear of political protests.

Came home early (on my angel AM’s suggestion), helped my sister some, spent some time with my nephew, and covered the rest of the work hours from home.

And just a few hours before I got the news I’m an aunt to a brand new baby girl! My other sister is blessed with a little princess. This deserved a separate post which I will do later.

But my day started with horrible anxiety where idk how I didn’t have a horrible melt-down or I didn’t throw up.

The gloom defused like smoke and the day ended with joy and smiles.

..

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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I invite Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.

You can find my poetry collection here=>  ss ebook 2020 small

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