Today marks 10 days of surviving without making a panic call to my friends in a talk-to-me-or-I’ll-die situation.
Sam, Unicorn, C, Jerry and an Aunt of mine were people who I trusted with my emotional and mental health. People who I knew would be able to help me when I’m failing.
I know they all have busy lives like everybody else, but I also know if I write the word “urgent” or “it’s serious” they would do anything to be there for me. Those were the codes I never used casually.
Not that these last 10 days were any easier. I was burnt out, exhausted and having bad anxiety because of a triggering problem I had to deal with.
But this time I kinda tested myself. Not always a good idea but this time I had a feeling I got this.
It wasn’t that easy. I had to go on a mindless Netflix binge. But hey whatever helps!
I went really really easy on myself, and I had to make an effort for that.
When you have anxiety you are just used to being in overdrive most times. Slowing down takes effort.
A friend told me a few weeks back “it’s nice you feel better after talking but it doesn’t seem like you REALLY need me to feel okay.” And honestly hearing that felt like I won one of my little battles.
I’m still a mess. And I will always be a mess because I want to make mistakes, learn and grow without turning into a robot.
I just want to live, feel and express myself like a human being.
All of this, the journey that lead to these 10 days is something I can’t even put into words right now. If you have been walking with me here, you would know what I’m talking about.
Throughout I have been heavily emotionally dependent on my close friends.
This test proved I have gotten better at this. Also when I feel I’m again going that way, I stop myself.
All of this happened with the constant support of unconditionally loving friends for decades.
And they wouldn’t know if I didn’t reach out.
So, I ask for it like it’s your right.
Get all the support and help you can.
Build multiple channels.
Friends, relatives, online support groups, just know your options and keep them ready. And I’m always here for you guys.
It’s great to cope on your own. But you don’t always have to do this alone.
The right support can’t make problems go away but definitely makes things more bearable.