A Better Way to Love Ourselves

Self-esteem has always been a prominent concept throughout our lives. We were taught that we needed it to be happy and that it was achievable by anyone who wanted it, meaning those who were willing to work hard for it. In our perpetual rat-race, our parents, and their parents, believed that competition was healthy and that striving to be better than your neighbor created meaning; it seemed like a well-thought-out and well-intentioned program: we would build our society through the efforts of those individuals who motivated themselves by way of their desire to best all of their peers. It seemed so logical and perfect; yet, the consequences have been horrifying. Social isolation and perfectionist behavior have risen exponentially over the past several decades; the need to be better has evolved into the necessity for perfection, which in turn fueled our paranoia and distrust of…

I remember her, that girl that wanted to disappear. She didn’t want anyone to notice her. She didn’t want to engage conversation with anyone. She most certainly did not want to make eye contact with anyone. What did she want? She wanted to be looked over, passed up, forgotten. She did not believe she was worthy to be loved. She wanted to be invisible.

How do I know all of these things about “her”? You see, that she … was me.

Ten years ago I was sixty-three pounds heavier. I had battled divorce, a near fatal car crash, PTSD, a child with a TBI and PTSD, depression, anxiety, the death of my mother, and the obvious result… sadness, loneliness, and the most obvious weight gain. I survived on diet soda and breath mints. When I did eat it was all the wrong stuff and way too much at one…