I’ve been pretty silent on here for a bit and that’s because I was doing well – I went through TMS, found a medication that helps, and started being in nature more. But then the darkness started filling different corners of my mind.

I know that with good moments come bad, or at least that can happen, so as the saying goes “expect the unexpected” but I feel in my case it’s never really unexpected, I’m just waiting for the next time. The next time a dark thought appears, or a new trigger makes itself known, or I snap for no good reason other than because my inner neglected child just got pissed off again. But right now I honestly just don’t have the time to devote to yet another round of “LET’S GET READY TO… GET BETTER” because as many of you are aware the better…

Today is World Mental Health Day and if you are a frequent reader of my blog or follow me on social media, you do know I am a mental health activist. I was one before I knew it. From age 12, I have always had a keen interest on mental health. The first mental disorder I knew about was dissociative identity disorder (DID) formerly known as multi personality disorder. In 2017, two friends and I founded Project Fmile,a project that was started with an aim to spread awareness on mental health and suicide. The name came from the words Fake Smiles, most people I know who battle mental disorders always have fake smiles and we want to an end to this.We decided to do most of our activities online since we are able to reach a larger number of,and broader demographic of people. On our social media platforms(@projectfmile on Instagram…

You should never be defined by your condition. You have some symptoms but you are much, much more than that. It happens that sometimes people with mental health conditions are seen as that label by others. You are identified by your condition: the schizophrenic guy, the bipolar girl, etc. It’s easy to confuse the condition with the person but we should never forget that behind that label is a very complex person that deserves respect.

Details matter and the fact that we say “Joan is Bipolar” instead of “Joan has Bipolar Disorder”. You are not your condition. You are still an individual, with its idiosyncrasies. Language matters a lot because it shapes our perception or is it the other way around? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that language stigmatizes people and that has real effects like refusal to seek treatment and anxiety when interacting with people.

People with mental…

Depression.. It’s the most devastating silent disease. Some days I’m here with bells on making tequila shots and dancing, and other days I’m in bed under the covers willing myself to die. Just fall asleep and never wake up. Not literally making tequila shots but you know what I mean. Happy and shit. Those days are few and far between lately, I’ve never been so tired in all my life. I just can’t sleep enough.

And then there are the days I wish I had friends. Friends to visit and socialise with and then I think no, I can’t have friends because friends are a lot of work and most of the time I just want to get home from work and hide. Sleep. And then I think well someone must care enough about me to understand that I can’t always deal with being around people, but no one does…

I’m not an idealist.

I don’t consider myself to be an amazing therapist, writer, or human. To possess any of those distinctions, one needs to suffer and suffer greatly. Many writers have struggled to perfect their craft in desolate dungeons. History is full of its share of martyrs. And there are countless clinicians who take on some of the most difficult patients imaginable. Tremendous sacrifice is built into the edifice of greatness. And for some, that degree of charity is the sole foundation for self-esteem.

I’m not an idealist because I can’t imagine making those sacrifices. The best therapists in the world treat individuals with severe personality and psychotic disorders; they’re able to resist the deep pull of leisure to serve their communities in highly admirable ways. But, as much as I admire them, I don’t want to become one of them. The circumstances of their work are harsh and…